


A Life Without You

by Lazy_days_88



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Abuse, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - War, Angst, Army, Depression, F/F, F/M, Guerrilla Warfare, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Implied/Referenced Torture, Military, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Prisoner of War, Psychological Torture, Torture, War
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-13
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-15 03:02:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 26,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28681545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lazy_days_88/pseuds/Lazy_days_88
Summary: Lexa Woods retired from the army 3 years ago to be with her family after taking a gunshot to the stomach. When a war involving the United States is declared, Lexa feels the urge to serve her country. But what happens when her selfless decision leads to years of suffering for both herself and her family?
Relationships: Abby Griffin/Jake Griffin, Abby Griffin/Marcus Kane, Clarke Griffin/Lexa, Costia/Lexa (The 100), Luna/Raven Reyes, Octavia Blake/Lincoln
Comments: 30
Kudos: 89





	1. Fresh Lemonade

Lexa woke up early as she always did, and grinned like an idiot. Although her daily routine almost never wavered from its schedule, the woman had never been more happy with it. She groaned quietly as she stretched, feeling her still partly sleeping muscles flex below her skin. Sitting up, she glanced to her side, where her wife Clarke lay sprawled across the bed, one arm tucked below her pillow and the other hanging absently off the side. Somehow, the woman still always managed to invade Lexa's side of the bed. Luckily, the retired soldier didn't care much about it.

She gently folded the covers back into place to keep Clarke warm as she stood, dressing into her workout clothes for the morning- a simple sports bra and shorts. She leant across the bed to place a sweet, light kiss on Clarke's cheek, earning the most grumpiest of grunts anyone could ever hear. The brunette all but smiled as she tied her hair back, and began her adventure down the stairs to the kitchen. Checking her watch and seeing she was hitting her 5:30am mark, she flipped the coffee machine on for her morning cup of caffeine before she would leave for work.

Lexa slid into her running shoes placed besides the doormat, and unlocked the front door, slipping out into the fresh air of the morning. She took off into a light jog, her shoes padding lightly on the concrete pavement. She took in the light breeze that meandered the streets of Polis in the earlier hours. The sun was just beginning to rise above the homes that surrounded Lexa as she ran though the street she had came to love rather quickly after she had first moved in with Clarke. As she rounded the corner, she spotted the familiar vibrant garden of roses and exotic flowers, which belonged to the oldest person on the street. Mrs Burton. The old lady peaked out of her front door, then smiled a toothless grin at the jogging woman.

"Lexa! I almost missed you, my dear!" She exclaimed as she hobbled down the steps, making her way towards the spotless white fencing that Lexa had painted for her last summer "Here, I made you more lemonade!"

Lexa smiled at the elderly lady, taking the heavily patterned glass from her wrinkled hands to take a sip "Thank you, Mrs Burton. You never miss a glass do you?"

Ever since Mrs Burton had noticed Lexa taking her morning jogs, she had never ceased to make fresh glass the night before, just to give it to the tall brunette in the morning. Lexa thought she did it more for the company more than anything, and Lexa made more than enough effort to entertain and talk to the kind woman.

"Oh, you know me, sweetheart. How's your son?" She said with a slight rasp. She had mentioned many times that she had spent 'too many years smoking'

"Aden?" Lexa perked up at the mention of her son. As cliche as it may sound, Aden was in fact her pride and joy in this world. The second love of her life. She had never believed it was impossible to fall in love twice, until Aden was born and she knew from then on it was true. "He's doing brilliantly, Mrs Burton. Only eight years old and sometimes I genuinely believe he is smarter than me. He definitely gets his brains from his mother, without a doubt"

Lexa finished her glass of lemonade and kindly handed it back to Mrs. Burton. The grey haired woman smiled "I better be getting back inside now dear, I feel like my legs will give out rather soon. And although I wouldn't be all that upset at having such a beautiful woman like yourself carry me into my home, I'm afraid you don't have the time"

The younger woman laughed "I'm flattered!"

"Yes, yes. Now get yourself away!" Mrs Burton called as she walked back towards her house.

Shaking off her smile with a shake of her head, Lexa continued on her jog. Her conversations with Mrs Burton were always short but incredibly sweet. The woman was ageing, as human beings do, and yet it made Lexa's heart warm to know that despite it, she still manages to meet Lexa at her front gate every morning at 5:40am on the dot. The elderly lady was one of Lexa's favourite neighbours, without a singular piece of doubt. Then again, Lexa always had a soft spot for for the older generations. She often found herself shopping for 3 or more old people at the supermarket just because she hated seeing them shopping alone. If they refused to let her shop for them, she'd shop _with_ them. She couldn't help it.

"Hey! How's it going, champ? You're running on time as always" Luna popped up out of genuine thin air, startling Lexa from her thoughts.

"Did you really expect anything different from me?"

Lexa had met the frizzy haired woman when they were both in Aden's age range. Foster care was what had brought them closer together. When they were tied to the filth of an orphanage, somehow they had grown attached to each other's sides, bickering or laughing on. As they grew closer and closer, the woman that was in charge of finding their foster homes forged Luna's documents to state that her name was, in fact, Luna Woods, matching Lexa's last name and making them sisters. She knew one would never get adopted without the other anyway. When Gustus and Indra had found them, they were persistent on adopting them both, despite the fact that their biological daughter, Anya, didn't seem to like the idea too much. The Woods siblings grew on her quickly though, just like they did with everyone.

"Of course not. You're Lexa Woods. If you were a minute late to anything I'm sure you would have a severe aneurysm" She chuckled and nudged Lexa. The girl grumbled "What, aren't you happy I'm joining you on this fine morning?"

"I sure am" Lexa mumbled, earning a dramatic eye roll from her sister.

They began to pass Clarke's old house where Abby lived. The absence of the silver Toyota on the driveway told Lexa that Abby was at work. Whether she had left last night for the night shift at the hospital, or had just simply left before Lexa made it to her house, was a mystery. It was strange to believe that Abby living in that particular part of town suddenly meant that both Lexa and Luna both ended up living there too. When Clarke's father Jake grew sick, she insisted that they bought a house near her parents. Lexa had accepted Clarke's wish without a single complaint; she liked the street anyway. But when Luna had finally decided to move in with Raven, the younger of the siblings was already experiencing separation issues, and quickly moved in a few minutes away. Not that Lexa could complain. She liked how close they were. Even Clarke's friends lived nearby.

"Well, I almost had you for a while. I'll catch up with you tomorrow I just know it" Luna said as they approached her house.

"Sure you will" Lexa chuckled sarcastically. She caught the middle finger her sister waved at her before she jogged up the drive.

When Lexa finished her usual route and returned home, she couldn't contain her glowing smile as she closed the door. Clarke was just pouring coffee out of the pot, pans on the stove sizzling with bacon. Her hair was still lightly tousled from sleep, her usual large sleep shirt reaching down to the top of her thighs. She turned, smiling right back at Lexa, blue eyes radiating. Lexa found that they were always their brightest blue when she had just woken up. Luna had laughed when Lexa had first described Clarke to her, saying that angels didn't exist, and the most beautiful woman in the world was herself. Until, of course, she first met Clarke. She made a point to state that was wrong- something Luna had never done before.

"Mama!" her eight year old son called, sliding off his stool at the table and bounding to his mother. Lexa laughed at his urgency to say good morning. It was the same every day but it never faded.

"Hey, Kiddo!" Lexa hoisted her son up into her arms for a hug, Aden nuzzling into her neck just like he did as a baby "Did you sleep okay?"

"Yes! I even turned my night light off last night!" he exclaimed, pulling back and puffing out his chest proudly

"That's my boy" She ruffled his hair, drawing out a giggle.

"Are you two done? Breakfast is ready" Clarke said eying up the two of them.

Lexa nodded, carrying Aden over and sitting him back on his stool before taking her own seat "You know you could have waited until I got back. I could have made breakfast."

Clarke placed a gentle kiss on Lexa's lips as she placed the plates on the table "Don't be ridiculous. Your blueberry pancakes are amazing baby, but you make breakfast every day. It's my turn"

"If you insist" Lexa said. She couldn't complain though. The bacon and eggs on her plate looked delicious. It didn't take her long to devour the entire plate before Clarke even managed to place the coffee she had made for her on the table. The brunette scooped it up without a second of hesitation, taking a large sip.

"You're both ravenous" Clarke laughed, sitting down to eat her own plate.

"Well, it's a good job you knew that before you married me though, isn't it?" Lexa gazed across the table at her wife.

"It's only a small flaw." The two women smiled at each other, Lexa feeling her heart grow full with love. She couldn't look at her any other way. She loved Clarke Griffin just as much as she did all those years ago when they had their first date, if not more. It was impossible to hide it.

"You're doing the gross looks again" Aden said through his eggs. She turned and kissed his head, sipping from her cup of coffee.

"One day, kiddo, you'll understand" She checked her watch "Now you better hurry up and get dressed before you're late for school!"

"God forbid a child of Lexa Griffin-Woods is late for something" Clarke grinned behind her own mug

" _God Forbid,_ _bleh bleh_ " Lexa mocked her wife, poking out her tongue and wiggling her head in exaggerated angles. Aden squealed in laughter as Clarke stood from her seat, gasping. Lexa almost immediately regretted her decision "Aden quick! Run!"

Lexa scooped up Aden in her arms and sprinted up the stairs, Clarke bounding not far behind her. The house was filled with laughter. Lexa quickly closed the door to Aden's room, closing Clarke out.

"I can't hold her off on my own! Aden hide! I'll take one for the team!" She laughed, hanging onto the handle that her wife was trying so hard to open. Aden squeaked as he ran and hid under the covers on the bed. Clarke pushed the door open, overpowering Lexa.

"You!" She exclaimed, all but rugby tackling the tall brunette onto the bottom their sons bed. Aden peaked out at his parents as they play fought from the top of it. Clarke all but pinned Lexa down for two second, tickling the woman and drawing out Lexa's biggest of belly laughs before spotting the little boy "And you!"

He screamed playfully as she dragged him over attacking him in kisses

"Mama!" He squealed, slapping at Clarke's face playfully "Mama help!"

Lexa grinned as she sat up and swarmed her son with kisses, joining her wife in her actions.

"Nooo!" He giggled

It was times like these that Lexa felt her luckiest. The pure joy in her sons eyes fuelled her world. And when it was just her and her family, laughing and going about their lives like any other, she felt alive. She could forget about her abusive foster homes. She could forget about what war looked like. She could forget about all the atrocities in the world, because she was experiencing the beauty of it on a daily basis.

"Alright, alright. You're going to be late." Clarke chuckled as she ceased fire of the love she was showering on Aden "It's time you got dressed!"

After Aden had relented, Lexa got dressed in her usual work clothes of a dark blue button up shirt and plain black pants. Her job wasn't much. After she retired from the armed forces, she had plenty of money left. But even so, her job working tech and security paid decently, and she enjoyed it. Specifically when she got to climb ladders and boss people around to give her tools. Besides, she got to talk to and meet more people in their town, which she loved. She always managed to brag about her beautiful family to everyone she met.

Today, Lexa was doing some work in the school that Clarke worked in. Automatically, she was way more excited for work today. It meant that they could all drive in the same car too, which was an extra bonus. Her only stress of driving, was that Clarke might manage take control of her stereo. She much preferred her own music, despite telling Clarke that she loved her wife's music taste equally. That was an innocent lie.

"Clarke where's my car keys?" Lexa panicked.

"Where they always are, Lexa" Clarke rolled her eyes

"And that is where?"

The blonde turned to look at her wife, unimpressed "The same key jar that's been at the front door since we moved here, Lexa"

She jogged to the front door, checking the jar. She was ready to tell Clarke that she was wrong, and that she was a fool to think that Lexa would miss them in the jar. But obviously, there were her car keys, sat snug just next to Clarke's keys. She grumbled to herself, plucking the keys and slipping into her shoes "Everyone ready? Because I'm leaving right now, I'm not waiting"

"Wait, wait, wait! I'm coming mama I just need to put my shoes on!" Aden ran down the steps with an immense speed that almost scared Lexa. She began reaching in slow motion for the door handle as he began stumbling to get his shoes on. Clarke rolled her eyes, mumbling something about how Lexa is always a tease.

The drive to Aden's school was rather short, and sometimes Lexa wished that it was a little longer. She glanced into the rear view mirror. Aden gave her a wide smile as he continued to sing along to one of Lexa's favourite songs- Sympathy For The Devil by The Rolling Stones. Clarke just rolled her eyes at the both of them. Lexa never really understood the fuss people made about her eyes, but when her son stared at her with her own deep forrest greens, she began to understand. She was grateful though, that Aden got an equal amount of Clarke's traits. He got his blonde hair from his mom, as well as his loving nature and his love for art. Lexa would often catch them together painting after Aden finished his homework.

After dropping off Aden, Lexa pulled up into the staff parking lot of the high school Clarke taught at. She pulled her tools out of the car and handed Clarke her bag, quietly wrapping an arm around her waist.

"Lexa! This is my work" Clarke scolded, shimmying away from Lexa's grip "You can't just-"

Lexa grabbed Clarke and hoisted her on her shoulder, ignoring the constant complaining and slaps on Lexa's back. Some students saw them and laughed. Not at them though, but with them. It was clear that no matter who Lexa met, they loved her; that also included high school students. Lexa finally put Clarke back down at the front doors and the blonde quickly pushed her hair out of her face, pouting.

"You're in so much shit when we get home I swear to g-"

"Hey Mrs Griffin-Woods!" Called one of Clarke's students

"Hey" they both said at the same time. She looked to Clarke who rolled her eyes.

"What?" 

"I'm the teacher here, Lexa" her wife sighed

"Yeah? Your point?"

"Hi Lexa" one of the girls waved, ignoring the conversation.

"Hey kid" She responded "Anyways, I better get to work before I become the popular kid again"

"You were never the popular kid, babe"

"Whatever you say, love" Lexa kissed her cheek quickly, starting on her way to the reception "love you!"

"Why do I let her come to work with me" Clarke murmured with a smile, doing her best to ignore the 'aww's that her students were echoing around her. Her cheeks flushed pink, she ushered them inside "Alright, come on you guys, you have classes to get to"

Clarke spent almost the entirety of the day teaching her students about the first and second World War... and also answering many questions about her wife, who seemed to be the centre of excitement in the school. It wasn't until later that Lexa poked her head into the classroom, a cheeky grin that Clarke knew meant mischief plastered over her face. Despite it all, she still found the room to be twice as bright just from Lexa's presence. The brunette strode in carrying a ladder in one arm, and her tools in the other. Clarke rolled her eyes.

"Apologies Mrs Griffin- _Woods_ , I just need to check the fire alarm here in this corner" Lexa said, exaggerating 'woods' specifically and placing the ladder down with a loud clank. The kids in the class smirked at each other, then smirked at Lexa, then at their teacher.

"Alright guys, don't get distracted by the handy man lets get to work" She said, earning a scoff from the brunette "Textbooks open to page 296 please, I want a mind map on the differences between World War One and World War Two."

There were a few groans from the teenagers before they got on with their work, flipping pages until they found where they needed to be. Lexa busied herself with the fire alarm until she felt a pencil poke her leg. Frowning, she glanced down. A young girl sat, turned around in her seat. She had bright pink hair that only just reached past her shoulders, and had clearly spent a very long time working to perfect her makeup. Her eye liner was heavily winged with a small crystal dotted close by.

"Yes?" Lexa said quietly under the chatter of the class.

"Are you really married to Mrs Griffin-Woods?" She whispered

Lexa crouched down on the ladder and flashed her ring, winking "I'm the Woods part, obviously"

"That's really cool. Hey, were you in world war 2?"

The woman almost fell from her ladder "W-what? How old do you think I am? Eighty?" she questioned, flabbergasted.

"Well Mrs Griffin-Woods said that you were a veteran and-"

Clarke had caught Lexa talking to the girl out of the corner of her eye and placed the test she was marking onto the desk "Lexa, please stop distracting my students"

Lexa rolled her eyes "Oh so formal, besides, she distracted me!"

Clarke stood from her desk, eying up her wife. It earned a numerous amount of 'ooooh's from the class as she walked over, picking up a wrench that Lexa had brought.

"Do you even use this?" She asked, waving the tool in her face. She glanced up at the fire alarm "Does that even need anything done to it or are you just here to disturb my class?"

"I wouldn't call it distracting, really." she said, taking the wrench from Clarke before she put her eye out with it "Besides, I think I'm just spicing up the class a bit"

Lexa's goofy smile in response called upon a twitch in Clarke's lips. She'd even go so far as to say it was a smile. As professional as she tried to be in front of her students in school, Lexa always found a way to get in the way of that. She sighed as Lexa smiled wider.

"Stop that"

"Stop what? I'm not doing anything"

"Sure you're not"

"I'm really not"

"Yes you are"

"No"

"Yes"

"Oh my god I'm just going to do what I need to do" Lexa gave up, and kissed Clarke's cheek "Love you"

"I-" Clarke flushed as her wife climbed the ladder.

"Why can't Lexa be here more often..." A kid murmured somewhere from the front.

"I heard that, Joseph" Clarke said as she made her way back to her desk. Lexa laughed from the back of the room, hearing her laugh echoed by the other students.


	2. The Barbecue

Lexa sat in the sweltering heat of the summer, watching her son sprinting across the field at football practice. She had a deal with Aden. If he took up a sport once a week, she would take him to guitar lessons. It wasn't that she was opposed to him playing an instrument, nor did she want to force him into sports. She did, however, want to make sure her son was staying strong and healthy. So, every Tuesday after work she watched him play football with the other kids, and on Thursdays, he got his guitar lessons, as well as Lexa teaching him piano at home. He didn't even mind- he enjoyed doing all of it. She watched him approach her, all muddy but still baring a bright smile on his face as he approached his mother.

Sometimes she could never fathom just how lucky she was to have a biological child with Clarke. It almost felt too good to be true. They had decided to opt for a route that extracted a small amount of Lexa's bone marrow, and turned it into a sperm cell of sorts, as a result being able to have a baby with Clarke. It was an expensive choice, but worth every penny and night shift 9 months later when Aden arrived. She was twenty years old when the bundle of joy entered her life, kicking and screaming until he settled in his mothers arms. She never regretted his birth as early as it was once.

"You did great today, kiddo!" Lexa exclaimed, plucking Aden into her arms, not even caring if he was dirty.

"I did?" He grinned

"You sure did. You'll never guess what's happening tonight" She said, poking his nose

"Oh, oh, what?" He said excitedly

"We're having a barbecue!"

"Will Aunt Luna and Anya be there?" 

"They sure will! _And_ you get to go in the pool again. You'll have to take a shower first though"

"Yay!" he exclaimed and wiggled out of her arms, running to the car. By that point, Lexa had given up caring about all the mud that was about to be spread across the passenger seat.

"Hey Lexa" Some of the mothers greeted. Clarke was almost one hundred percent sure that Lexa had turned half the women at practice gay with her presence, but she didn't believe that. She just thought they were friendly.

"Hey, guys! You have a good night, yeah?" She waved as she followed Aden to the car "Alright, here's the deal. I'll take you to get ice cream with everyone. But... only if you shower as soon as we get back"

Her son jumped to the offer "Yes! Can we get ice cream for Luna and Anya too?"

"We sure can, kid. Don't forget your seatbelt though."

The drive was filled with Aden's excitement as he sang along to his favourite songs on the radio. It didn't take him long to turn to her, eyes wide.

"Wait! Mama! Do the vroom vroom thing!" He said, buzzing in his seat at the stop light.

"Alright, you ready?" She asked him as he rolled down the window on his side. He nodded frantically. Lexa revved the engine of the car, causing other drivers to look their way in confusion. Aden looked around gleefully, loving the sound of the engine and how his mama had a cooler car than everyone else. It got to the point where if they ever drove past someone with another cool car, he'd stick his tongue out at them in the window. 

When they made it home, ice creams firmly planted in their cardboard holders, Aden dished them out to his aunties, hugging them both and sitting on Anya's knee until he finished. After his quick shower, he was now sat with Clarke and Raven in his bright blue swimming trunks, ranting about todays football practice. Lexa always found it funny when he talked to Clarke about it. Mostly because his mom didn't have the slightest idea what on earth actually happened in it. On the patch of grass that Lexa made sure was cut and growing perfectly, was Lincoln and Octavia laying on a blanket, chatting. Abby stood inside in the shade with Gustus and Indra, most likely talking about work.

"Have you even started cooking those burgers yet, Lexa? I'm starving" Luna complained.

"Would you be patient? They're cooking"

"But they still look raw" Luna argued.

"Look, would you just let me do what I need to do?" Lexa wafted the spatula at her sister

"Listen I'm trying to help you. Let me just" Luna started fiddling with the gas on the barbecue

"No, I've got this!" she tried to push her away.

Looking up, still trying to listen to Aden's rants, Clarke spotted the two sisters in a squabble as always and rolled her eyes. Luna pushed Lexa, who in return, pushed her back. They continued messing on with the poor barbecue and shoving each other until flames shot out of the outdoor cooking system, reaching above their heads.

"That was your fault!" She heard Luna exclaim

"Are you kidding me? It was yours!"

"No, yours!"

Lexa picked up her sister, hoisting her fully clothed into the pool too shut her up. The other woman surfaced, spitting water out of her mouth and shouting at her.

"Jesus Christ" Raven sighed, shaking her head. Clarke could all but nod in agreement, watching Aden excitedly running towards the pool and jumping in, almost making a bigger splash than Luna. Across the yard, Gustus stepped out of the back door making his way over to Lexa. Patting her back, he handed her a bottle of beer and took over the barbecue. Lexa walked away with her typical pouty face on.

"Are you done being a child yet?" Clarke said, wrapping her arms around Lexa's neck. The other woman's arms instantly wrapped around her waist. She received a hum in response as the tall brunette leant forward, resting her forehead against Clarke's. Even the smallest of things like this felt like home to Lexa "You alright?"

"Never been better" She responded, pecking Clarke's lips. Blue eyes watched her "God, you're beautiful"

"Oh be quiet"

"Mm no" Lexa grumbled, closing the gap between their lips, kissing her wife with plenty of love and passion. Clarke almost felt as if she was drowning in it.

"Gross" Aden called from in the pool. Pulling away, Lexa spotted him on Anya's shoulders, who must have joined them in the pool recently. Luna also had changed into her swimsuit. She chuckled and turned to the gorgeous blonde she held in her arms

"Pool time?" She asked with a smile

"Well if you insist"

Turning to spot Lincoln and Octavia, she noticed that they were already lying in the sun dressed in their swim suits. Lexa grinned, glancing at Raven who immediately channelled the same thought.

"You get O, me and Clarke will get Linc" Lexa instructed. It took them all but seconds to run over to the couple. Lexa grabbed Lincoln by his shoulders, and Clarke his feet, all while Raven hoisted Octavia up into her arms bridal style.

"God damn it no! No Raven put me down!" She shrieked "No!"

"You assholes" Lincoln wheezed as they were both dropped into the pool, showering Aden and the others who were already in. When Lincolns head popped out onto the surface of the water, Lexa tossed a football off of his bald head. It bounced almost perfectly, landing in front of Aden. 

"Water football!" he announced.

The evening felt so short, the family laughing and playing in the water until Gustus finally finished the barbecue. The atmosphere was immediately more relaxed after everyone had eaten, and they had all settled outside the back door as it began to grow dark. Clarke sat in Lexa's lap, head rested back on her shoulder as she spoke quietly to Octavia, a glass of wine in her hand. Aden was tightly tucked into Lexa's side, fast asleep after a long day. Across from her, Luna and Raven sat in each others arms. Even Gustus had an arm wrapped around Indra's shoulders. The only person without someone holding them was Abby. Her heart throbbed in pity as she watched the doctor gently rub her arms. It had been a few years since Jake had passed, and it was obvious that Abby still missed him just the same. She wished she could do more to help her, but at least Anya made an effort to talk to her a lot; she liked talking to Abby. She saw Luna shuffle out of the corner of her eye.

"Hey, guys?" The woman said. She almost sounded nervous as she caught the attention of the others. She took Raven's hand in hers.

"Oh my god you guys are having a baby" Octavia made the guess. They both flushed.

"No! No, gross.." Raven shook her head. They were certainly doing a good job of maintaining the slow burn to their reveal. Lexa stared at her sister expectantly.

"We're getting married" Luna announced with a small smile on her face. The yard erupted in excitement, and Lexa tucked her son into his blanket and stood with Clarke, making her way over to her sister.

"Congrats, sis" She grinned, taking her sister into a heavy, strong hug. She patted her back proudly "Nice one"

Beside them, Octavia and Clarke surrounded Raven in a group hug. Abby watched them with happiness in her eyes as Gustus and Indra congratulated them.

"So, when's the wedding?" She questioned

"Well, we haven't really spoken much about it yet, but. I think We're hoping as soon as possible. Don't wanna waste any more time, do we?" Raven answered, walking back into Luna's arms "I can't wait"

Lexa couldn't blame her. They had first started dating a few years after Clarke and herself began. The only reason Luna had held off proposing was because of the military. It pained her to think that after marrying the love of her life, she wouldn't return home to her from Afghanistan. After Anya, Luna and Lexa retired from the army, the topic had just got lost for years- until now. At 29, they were finally getting married, and it was a large weight off of everyones shoulders. Lexa was beginning to think it would never happen.

She could remember the first time they met. She had just began dating Clarke, and she was the happiest she had ever been. The blonde had decided to invite Lexa and her siblings to a small house party with her close friends. Although Anya just sat brooding as she always did, Luna however never stopped talking to Raven. Their relationship grew slowly but rather steadily. It was only a few years later at Clarke and Lexa's wedding party did they find them tonguing each others throats. That was one thing Lexa wished she could forget about.

"I can't wait. The hell I'm going to cause at your wedding..." Lexa cackled

"Don't you dare, or you won't be invited" Luna warned with a smirk on her lips, finger pointed in warning.

"Alright, alright." Lexa said, and scooped up a sleeping Aden into her arms "I better put him to bed"

"Well, I think that's our cue to get going anyways" Gustus said and touched Lexa's shoulder encouragingly "Goodnight everyone!"

Everyone quietly said their goodbyes, Lexa giving Luna and Raven one last hug. As soon as the door closed behind them, Clarke sighed, smiling at her wife as she watched her climb the stairs with their son. Lexa carefully placed Aden into bed, wrapping him up under his covers. Gently, she kissed his forehead and stroked his hair back, sliding his favourite teddy bear into his arms. She took a moment to admire what herself and Clarke had managed to create. He was even more beautiful than Lexa ever believed was possible. Leaving his night light on, she closed the door quietly behind her as she left.

Pushing the half open door to their bedroom wider, Lexa found Clarke. Her back was turned to her as she dug through the drawers. Slowly, she made her presence known, coming up behind her. Hearing her sigh in recognition, she smiled, pushing the blonde hair that cascaded down Clarke's back over one shoulder, revealing her neck. Lexa's lips breezed the back of her neck, hands setting on her hips. Leaning back into Lexa, Clarke tilted her head slightly, feeling Lexa's soft lips against her skin. Long fingers slid under her shirt, goosebumps appearing below her fingertips.

Clarke was shrouded with Lexa's scent, autumn filling her nostrils as well as her favourite cologne. She turned around to face Lexa, pulling her close and pressing her lips to hers hard, reflecting her need for the other woman. Lexa smiled in response, pushing her back onto the bed and removing her shirt. Clarke froze to admire the woman she had managed to call her wife. Her skin was a beautiful, smooth olive. Her stomach was toned, not too much, but just enough to make the blonde's mouth water. She had gotten used to the faded scar in the centre of her stomach, just above her belly button, where the brunette had been shot in Afghanistan. She almost had a heart attack when she found out.

"What are you thinking about?" Lexa whispered to her. It was enough to make Clarke shiver, pulling her wife atop of her

"You" She whispered back. She watched Lexa's eyes darken with that familiar lust in her eyes as she sucked in a breath, reaching for the hem of Clarke's shirt. She shook in anticipation just as much as she had the first time. Her heart skipped, feeling Lexa's strong body press her into the bed, and she bit her lip "I love you" She murmured

"Trust me Mrs Griffin-Woods, I love you far much more"

~~~

The days passed peacefully. Quickly, but slowly. Perfectly savoured like each day before, and yet something in Lexa's gut told her she should have savoured it way more. She wasn't too sure why, but when she looked to Aden sat beside her on the piano, eyes curious, she felt guilty.

"Mama, could you do that part again? I missed it"

"Sure, kiddo." Lexa said as she pressed lightly on the keys once more.

On the couch sat Luna and Raven, who had came over to show off their new rings before they made the decision to stay for dinner. Not that their choice mattered anyways, Clarke had insisted very strongly. They now watched the news on the television as Clarke fumbled in the kitchen with some pans. 

"Mama can you sing the song?" Aden said, finally having enough of playing 

"Which one, baby?" she asked. He thought fo a minute, scratching his imaginary beard with a giggle

"The one mom likes. The really pretty one"

"Oh, yes please!" Clarke called from the kitchen, followed by another clatter of pans. Lexa chuckled and began playing the two notes at the very beginning of the song. She saw Clarke in the doorway of the kitchen, leaning against the doorframe to listen. It was a sad song, there was no doubt about it. But Clarke loved it. It was the song Lexa was playing, it just so happened, when they first met.

 _I couldn't_ _wait for no man_  
 _Divided your face in freehand, because_

Luna turned the television down and turned to look over the back of the soda, watching Lexa with a small smile.

_There's context_   
_There's context in our love_

She took a deep breath, her son continuing to play the melody for her while she played the chords. His fingers couldn't quite reach them yet.

_Riding away on horseback_   
_Carving a name, the romance had gone_

_There's context in our love_   
_There's context in our love_   
_There's context in our love_   
_There's context in our love_

Her voice floated through the house, silencing her company. She had always believed that in an alternative reality, she would have been a musician. Sometimes she wished she had pursued that. The music was smooth. Beautiful. And the piece was slow enough to feel every word she sang.

_Rolled on your instep_   
_Firing in ways that I won't_   
_Hiding in your waist and_   
_Probably placed that I don't_

_Oh, there's contact_   
_Oh, there's contact_

She felt Clarke behind her, sliding her hands over her shoulders giving a light squeeze. She pressed a long lasting kiss to the top of her head "I love that song" 

"I know you do" Lexa smiled up at her. Clarke leant down to kiss her, hands brushing against Lexa's sharp jaw. Lexa mumbled against her lips "Clarke, the dinner"

The blonde pulled back eyes wide as she sprinted to the kitchen "Shit!"

Lexa laughed to herself quietly, standing from the piano and looking to Raven and Luna, the mechanic out of the two holding tears in her eyes "Anyone up for burnt steak?"

"Me!" Luna said, standing and pulling her new fiancé up with her.

"I thought so. Let's go then, Chubby" Lexa said with a grin

"I'm not... Is this because I still haven't caught up to you on your jogs in the morning?" Luna questioned, following her sister into the kitchen with Aden hot on her heels ready to hear the drama.

"Maybe. Or maybe you're growing a lovely extra tire around your waist just incase."

"I don't even have a car. It's Ravens" She frowned, looking to her lover for support "I'm not fat. Right?"

Raven hummed in response "No. No I don't think so."

Luna was quickly distracted by the comments as Clarke gave her a plate of steak, surprisingly not burnt. Aden sat in the seat between his two parents, smiling at his own steak. He liked his like Clarke liked hers- almost well done with no seasoning. Lexa, however, liked hers medium cooked with lots of seasoning. Somehow, her wife could cook the perfect steak for her every time, with just the right amount of pink in the middle. She nudged Aden, cutting a slice "Want a bit?"

He turned his nose up at the pink meat, producing a small 'yack' that made the table fill with light laughter. Lexa sat forward, tucking into her steak and flashing curious eyes at Raven "So how's work? I heard they gave you a higher pay?"

Raven was a good mechanic without a doubt. She went from working on old broken down trucks for old people that couldn't be bothered to fix them anymore, to working on expensive modded cars for those more wealthy. Lexa respected Raven for her progress in her career and her passion. She still would never trust her in a million years near her car though... just in case.

"Well, you know how it is. I guess the boss just saw how damn good I am at making something go fast" She shrugged "How about you?"

Lexa shook her head "I earn enough I suppose. I have everything I need, really. As long as the bills are paid and there's plenty of food. The pay is decent enough."

"My guitar lessons are expensive!" Aden announced, craving some attention in the conversation.

"And well paid for" Lexa added, poking him in the belly. He giggled.

"Is that what you want to be when you grow up, Aden? A musician?" Luna asked him

"I wish! I need to get as good as my Mom and my Mama when they sing together though" he pouted

"Practice makes perfect though, doesn't it?" His mama smiled down at him. He nodded eagerly.

Lexa looked to Clarke from the corner of her eye, catching her facial expressions. Something seemed off about her. Not in a bad way, but it definitely worried her. She had a heavier glow to her than usual, eyes almost drinking in the sight of Lexa and Aden together. It alarmed Lexa, knowing her wife was seeming out of the norm, but she brushed it off and reminded herself to ask about it later.

"Did you enjoy your steak, kiddo?" She asked Aden, wrapping an arm around the boy.

"I really did Mama, Mom is really good at cooking steak" 

She faked offence, grasping at her heart and gasping as he laughed at her "And mine aren't good?"

"I like Moms better. Hers are more cooked and less red." 

"I'll remember this betrayal" She hung her head low dramatically

"Okay Mama. Can I go outside and play soccer, please?" He asked, deliberately ignoring Lexa's antics.

"No! Not after this awful and saddening bet-"

"Of course you can, bear" Clarke smiled at Aden, rubbing his back as he joyfully stood up and bounded to the backdoor. Lexa rolled her eyes at her wife, earning a grin from the blonde "What? He said please!"

"I'll get you back" Lexa all but threatened, a smile smile on her lips

"By what? Kissing me and apologising like you always do every time you say that?"

"Not quite, but you're close" She smirked. Luna almost spat out her water, instead gulping heavily and sitting back with a gasp. Raven rubbed her shoulder sympathetically.

"See that? You almost drowned my fiancé Lexa. Look at her poor soul. Are your lungs okay baby?"

"Oh please she's just being dramatic" Lexa replied, crossing her arms. The other sister held up a middle finger, waving it like a flag in the air. Lexa repeated the action to here, pretending to choke like Luna.

"Honestly. You're all children. How did I end up with veterans who look like they've only ever shot water pistols" Clarke sighed.

"You love me really" She said, giving Clarke her best puppy eyes.

"Ew" Clarke twisted her nose, leaning over and slowly kissing Lexa's lips. It was the kind of kiss she knew for a fact got Lexa bothered "Maybe I do"

"Uh, are you guys about to fuck? Cause if so we can just, you know, skedaddle on out of here before you do." Raven said.

"Oh please, if I remember correctly, you were the one saying you wouldn't mind a foursome with-"

"So Clarke how's the exams coming on?" Raven quickly evaded the subject. Lexa lost interest after that, the table cloth suddenly becoming interesting to her as she fiddled with the one loose thread. The light sound of chatter on the television caught her attention, sounding more serious than usual. She frowned and turned to Clarke.

"Clarke? Can I-"

"Yes, Lexa. You can go watch the Tv" She said, shaking her head as she watched the brunette almost tip the seat over as she stood, running to the living room.

"What's so important on the Tv?" Luna questioned.

"I don't even know" Clarke said. For a moment, Luna turned to Raven who gave her a look.

"Alright, go on then" She grumbled, and Luna ran after Lexa to the living room. She looked questioningly at Lexa, who stared at the television with a pale face. It was never like Lexa to seem so effected by something on the television. She hardly ever flinched at a horror film, never mind the news

 _"And we have just received confirmation of this news from the president"_ the newsman said sternly, panic clearly in his eyes despite the professionalism he tried hard to maintain _"The United States is officially at war, once again"_

Lexa's lungs felt like they had been dilated, and her shoulders slumped forwards as she watched the man dressed in a neat suit shuffle his papers together in silence. She dropped to her knees in front of the glowing screen. Surely there was some mistake, an incident that was taken and exaggerated by the media. Maybe she didn't hear him correctly; sometimes the signal gets bad on the television. But as she turned and looked at Luna, it was all confirmed for her. The woman had a singular tear strolling down her cheek, brown eyes wide and a hand paused over her mouth. It didn't quite cover it completely, but it showed exactly the kind of shock she was in. The kind of shock they were both in.

She wondered if they would end up setting up a drafting system again, just like they did in the Vietnam war. Would they force innocent people to go once more? Was Lexa going to be forced to leave her family behind yet another time to fight for her country? Would Luna have to cancel her wedding? 

She held back the tears from her eyes with a stoic expression, hearing the approaching footsteps of their two lovers. Would she come back if she went?

"Guys?" Raven questioned with a furrowed brow, both confused to see both women in such a state. Lexa found Clarke's eyes, and the blonde almost immediately understood how much the news had impacted her "Guys what's going on?"

"There's a war" Luna sniffled, wiping her face with the back of her sleeve "We're at fucking war again"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I literally wrote both of this and the last chapter in one day. My brain is on fire. The song that you hear Lexa plays is called by freehand by novo amor if you wanna check it out.
> 
> Also there's a really random glitch sometimes with the spacing of the paragraphs on the lyrics part. I can't really do anything about it I've tried to fix it!
> 
> Im really looking for constructive criticism so I can get better at writing too. Sometimes I feel like I write and its not detailed enough or it doesn't have enough content. I love writing, but I think at points I'm just awful.


	3. Bills and Bills

Lexa sat, fingers laced together as she sat forward on the couch. She had put Aden to bed early when he couldn't stop crying over what had happened. He was smart enough to understand it when he came back inside. Lexa refused to shed a tear, especially in front of her son. One thing she stuck to was staying positive in front of Aden. He had never really seen her cry and she intended to keep it that way. When she tucked him into bed, she put on a smile and told him everything was okay. There was nothing to worry about.

"I think we need to talk about this" Clarke said as she sat down on the couch beside her softly "I know what you're like, baby"

The brunette sighed and ran a hand through her hair, loosening the knots that had been caught in the length. She wasn't entirely sure what she could even say. What was she meant to do? 

"Lexa, I can see you thinking. Please talk to me" Her wife almost begged, placing a hand on her back. Lexa sighed.

"I don't want to go." She said, earning a nod "But. This is our country. You live here. So does our son."

"And you feel obligated to protect us" Clarke finished. It was true. In Afghanistan, Lexa was protecting Luna and Anya by being there with them. It only motivated her further when Aden was born, and she came to terms with having a family.

"And my sisters" She added "If they choose to go, that is. I can't let them go alone. We've never gone without each other. It's just... wrong."

"I understand. But I'm pretty sure Raven is having the same conversation with Luna now, Lex. If we all keep on the same page, nobody is going. I need you here. So does Aden."

"So I just do nothing?" She frowned at the blonde

"Definitely not." Clarke shook her head "I'm sure Marcus could get you involved in something from home. There's plenty of things that you could be doing that doesn't include you going"

She sighed. It felt wrong going, but at the same time, she knew Clarke was right. Marcus Kane would no doubt reach out to her regardless, knowing she'd want some involvement. He was the one that helped her retire after she took the gunshot three years ago to her stomach. He didn't just discharge her, either. He helped her find a job and a stable income. She was thankful to him.

"I know you feel like you need to go, Lex. I get that, I really do. But you also have a job here to do too" Clarke whispered to her, kissing her cheek with soft lips. Lexa sensed a double meaning in Clarke's words and frowned, turning to her. What was going on? "What?"

"Nothing" She said, turning back away again.

"Come here" Clarke whispered quietly, pulling Lexa to lie down. She wrapped her arms around her from behind her, holding her tightly. Lexa rested her head back against her shoulder, lost in thought. She didn't need to go. It would most likely be a short lived war anyway, at least she thought so. How much more of Aden growing up did she have to miss? She had already missed way more than she wanted to, even one day being too much for her. But sometimes, Lexa simply believed it was her purpose to fight for those who couldn't fight. To command missions and bring soldiers home to their families. Her selfless heart led her to selfless things, often forgetting how it could effect herself. Maybe this time she should be more selfish and stay with _her_ family.

She closed her eyes, taking in the warmth and comfort she found in Clarke's arms.

~~~

Her fingers peeled open the letter, the paper pulling apart with her pressure. Clarke paced back and forth beside the island in the kitchen talking into the phone. Lexa watched her carefully from the dining table as she unfolded the letter. She pulled her cautious eyes away from her wife to the writing in her hands. It was from Marcus Kane. She furrowed her brows and began to read.

_Sergent Lexa Woods,_

_It is clear that_ _everyone is aware of our new state as a country as we move into war. No doubt you have heard the news of it. I write to you as I know you will be feeling an urge to serve for the United States army once again. Please take into consideration that there are job vacancies from your home town available before you make a decision and call me so we can talk about this in more detail._

_-Marcus Kane_

"Raven, Lexa and I had the same conversation last night. She's not going Rae. Look you're getting married soon too..." Clarke pulled away from the phone, covering the speaker "What's that?"

"Oh, uh. Just stuff from work" Lexa said quickly, tucking the paper under the rest of the mail.

"Alright. Could you check over the bills today?" Clarke said. Lexa nodded as she raised the phone and pulled her hand away "Then tell Anya the same. I can't stop any of you just... you know my thoughts about it"

Lexa scanned through the bills, her mind straying elsewhere. To Marcus's letter more specifically. Maybe if she just ignored the temptation to do anything at all, she wouldn't end up in the field. She had a feeling that if she did, she would feel even more of an urge to go if she saw the situation in person. She quietly slid the letter across the table and into the bin as Clarke turned her back. When the blonde turned back to face her, she flipped the screen of her laptop up, resting her chin on her hand as she typed in the password with the other. She busied herself with replying to emails, mostly responding to people about work. There was one email from Clarke's students, and she chuckled. Some of the kids had an obsession with her. _I'm just too cool to be ignored_ she thought to herself, choosing not to reply incase Clarke managed to find out and confront her. It had happened before, and Lexa quickly learned her lesson. She didn't even know how they managed to get her email in the first place.

"Lex?" She jumped up at Clarke's voice.

"I-" She cleared her throat "Yes?"

"Anya's asked to go out to the bar tonight. How does that sound?"

"Sounds good to me" she frowned. Clarke usually just told her what was happening "Wait... why did you ask like that?"

"Costia is going to be there too" she said

Costia. The girl that Lexa believed she was in love with with every cell of her body when she was seventeen. Also the girl that broke her heart and left her for a random straight girl named Brittany. She narrowed her eyes. But why Brittany?

"Lexa"

"Yeah, I'm alright with that" She replied with a smile. She sucked her bottom lip as she glanced back at her laptop. Anya had been close with Costia the past few years. The reason why was unknown to Lexa, but she paid no attention to it. She was 28 years old, married, and finally understanding what it actually meant to be in love. Besides, Anya needed a friend. She wasn't exactly the best around people.

"Alright. Well, my moms going to take Aden for tonight so we don't have to worry about getting home. I actually have something I need to talk to you about later on anyway"

There it was. The thing that had been on Clarke's mind once again. Lexa sat back in her chair with her arms crossed "Can't you just tell me now?"

"No Lex, I can't."

"What if you're dying or something?" She asked

"If I was, I think I'd have told you a little sooner" Clarke rolled her eyes. Aden poked his head around the corner of the door, grinning at them "Hey baby... what've you done?"

He giggled, running in and hugging his mom's legs "Nothing!"

"He's just happy aren't you?" Lexa smiled at him

"Yep!" he said

~~~

Lexa was so, so wrong. In fact, never had she been that wrong as she watched her sock drip with dish soap. She groaned, tipping the contents of her favourite shoes into the sink. She loved Aden. She really did. But things like this... 

"Oh come on babe, it'll wash out" Clarke said, holding in her laugh. 

"These are my favourites, Clarke!" She exclaimed, tapping the soul of the shoe sending another glob into the sink. The blonde finally gave in and started laughing "You can't laugh! If it was your shoes-"

" _He's just happy Clarke!_ _"_ She repeated, wheezing and holding her stomach, bending forward with the force of her laughter.

"So funny" Lexa mumbled. She washed the soap from her hands, a small smile on her lips.

"Just... come on. We're gonna be late" The other woman tried catching her breath.

Clarke found Lexa some replacement socks, and another pair of shoes to go in. It didn't stop Lexa from brooding the entire drive though, thinking about how much better she would look if she had worn _those_ shoes. She found them far more comfortable than the ones currently on her feet. She made a point to whine about it to Clarke, telling her about how it was squeezing one of her toes.

"Look, babe, you look amazing either way. I'm serious." Clarke tried to bargain "Besides that shirt looks great on you"

"It does?"

"Of course it does, idiot. You could wear a paper bag if you wanted and still outdress anyone. Just... relax on the shoes okay? I'll wash them out tomorrow." Lexa turned and looked out of the window, watching the cars drive past.

"Why are we bringing the car anyway? You remember the last time you tried drinking and driving, right? It really didn't go well" Lexa could remember very clearly panicking about the lamppost that Clarke had put a rather unfortunate dent in.

She shrugged "I don't really feel like drinking tonight"

Lexa spun in her seat, confusion in her eyes as she analysed Clarke' face "Clarke you always have a drink with us"

"I know I do! I just... I don't really feel like it. I don't think my stomach can take it"

"What? Why? Do you feel okay? We don't have to come you know, Clarke. You could have just said no" Lexa said, reaching over to feel Clarke's forehead for a fever. The blonde quickly slapped her hand away

"Lexa I need to see the road! I'm fine, really. I just don't feel up to it"

"Okay..." Lexa narrowed her eyes at her, biting her lip in confusion as they pulled into the parking lot. She could see Luna and Anya at the door, laughing "Are you s-"

"Come on" Clarke rolled her eyes with a smile, opening the door and closing it before she could finish.

"Look who decided to show up! I was genuinely beginning to believe you were gonna ditch us." Luna laughed, she held out two glasses to the both of them. Whilst Lexa took hers, Clarke shook her head.

"I think I'm gonna skip it tonight. Someones gotta drive home" 

"Well if you insist. Just means more for us" she laughed, opening the door to the bar and holding it open for the others

"Since when were you nice?" Anya questioned as the music and chatter of the bar surrounded them.

"Since I got an extra pint" She hummed, taking a sip "Come on, Raven misses me"

As the fizzy haired sibling raced a head, Lexa leant in to Anya "How much has she had...?"

Anya's eyes followed the girl as she slumped into the seat next to Raven, slinging an arm over her and pulling her close "Too much, far too quickly. This is going to be a long night."

"You don't say" Lexa said, spotting Costia sat at the table, sipping from what looked to be a Margherita. 

"Hey!" Raven said excitedly, almost spilling her drink as she waved "Blondie, you look hot"

"Thanks Raven" Clarke muttered, sliding into the booth, followed by Lexa who slid her drink onto the table. 

"And you too Lexa. Nice cologne..."

"Okay, you can stop now. She wears it every time Raven. Every time"

Luna looked across the table at her green eyed sister with emphasised jealousy, and Lexa raised her hands in surrender. Diverting her eyes elsewhere. Costia looked between them with humour in her eyes "You guys haven't changed a bit have you?"

"Well, she's drunk. That usually brings the child in her right out doesn't it, Luna? Does somebody want a diaper change?"

"Shut the fuck up" Luna grunted, sipping from her drink. 

"You sure you don't want a sip?" Lexa said softly to Clarke, holding out her glass.

"No, no. I'll probably just get a glass of water or some Pepsi or something" Clarke responded, resting her head on Lexa's shoulder looking up at her "Thank you, though."

Lexa could have melted from the way she was looking at her. She leant back, lifting her arms and resting them atop of the booth cushions. In response, her wife sank deeper into her side, wrapping an arm around her waist. She could hear the blonde quietly smelling her shirt and smiled. Tuning into the conversation, she learned that Costia had became a dentist of all things. It was one of the most random things she had ever heard, and the occupation she expected least out of her. Lexa only partly paid attention to the Costia's story about a child that once gnawed her hand and refused to let go.

She kept getting lost in Clarke's blue, loving eyes staring up at her. Her heart throbbed for the girl she fell in love with ten years ago, and she gently pushed a stray hair from her face. She had sworn the first day that she talked to her that she'd marry her, and known every day after that. Clarke was the person who brought her out of her shell, breaking her away from the bad foster homes and ugly break ups, letting her be her most genuine self. "Do you want me to go get you a drink?" she asked, pressing a kiss to her head.

"No alcohol though" Clarke reminded

"I know, I know" She chuckled, standing and hearing her whine as she lost the warmth of Lexa "I won't be long"

Lexa made her way to the bar, occasionally exclaiming a small greeting to people she passed who somehow managed to know her in some way or another. Half the time, she had no idea who they even were. Niylah, of course, was serving at the bar. She was the one that owned it in the first place. Lexa had asked why she never hired someone else to work for her, to which she had replied 'Why let someone else take all the tips?'. The television hanging from the wall displayed the news channel, rambling on more about the war. Lexa shook her head and sighed.

"Want me to change it over for you?" Niylah questioned, drying a glass expertly and placing it on the bench before her

"If you don't mind" Lexa mumbled

"No problem. What're you having tonight Woods?" 

"Just a pepsi, please Niylah. No ice" She said, earning a baffled look from the bartender "For Clarke. Not me"

"Ah I see, well in that case put your wallet away. It's on me" Niylah smiled, snatching the glass off the surface and taking it to be filled.

"Wait why?" Lexa frowned.

"What, can I not be nice?" She said, placing the cooled drink in front of Lexa, earning a shrug "You thinking of going?"

"Huh?" Niylah motioned to the television before she flipped the channel "Oh. I was. I don't think Clarke will let me, though. Besides, I have Aden"

"Hmm. You sure do. I just hope they don't start drafting. I can't handle a gun for shit" the bartender winked "Enjoy your night Lexa"

"Thanks, Niy" She said, collecting Clarke's drink and taking it back to the table just as it erupted in laughter. Lexa looked between them as she passed Clarke her beverage "What'd I miss?"

"Just Luna being an idiot as always." Anya said into her glass

"My idiot" Raven grinned, taking Luna's face in her hands and planting a kiss on her lips.

"Gross. Save it for when you're married would you? I haven't even finished my first glass but you're going to make me vomit" Lexa said, feeling Clarke sink into her side once more, drink firmly grasped in two hands.

"So uh... we're not gonna address..." 

"No, Anya. I'm just going to continue on with my life. I've done my part, I need to be with my family" Lexa said. She felt like she was convincing herself more than the others. Regardless, she knew she was right.

"Speaking of your family Lex" Clarke sat up, taking Lexa's drink from her hands and placing it on the table. Lexa's heart jumped with nerves. Was Abby sick? Was Clarke sending Aden to the summer camp she was thinking about? She rested her hands in her lap, looking at Clarke with questioning eyes. The blonde smiled, taking her hands "You remember how you said you always wanted another kid?"

Lexa eyed her in confusion, despite hearing the others gasping in surprise "Yes?" She felt her wife leading her hands to her stomach as she smiled wider "Wait..."

"I'm pregnant" Clarke cleared it up for her. Lexa's eyes widened comically, earning the laughter of their company. She looked down at her hand on Clarke's stomach. There was a baby in there. Hers and Clarke's baby.

"No way" Lexa said "You're joking"

"The pregnancy tests weren't"

Lexa jumped out of her seat, pumping her fists in the air "Fucking... Yes!" She yelled as the table stood with her, grinning almost as much as she was. Others in the bar turned to look at her, baffled by her antics. She didn't even care. She swiped Clarke into her arms, picking her up and spinning her around. She kissed her, her excitement getting the better of her "You have to be kidding"

"Lexa! I'm not! I'm serious!"

"Well... is it a girl? Or another boy? Or both? Neither?" Lexa questioned her

"Lexa I'm like... four weeks pregnant or something. How am I meant to know?" Clarke rolled her eyes as she was showered with the brunettes kisses.

"Right, right. But do you feel it? Do you think you know?" 

"I think it might be a girl" Clarke smiled, catching Lexa's face to look her in the eyes and stop her from bouncing off the walls "Hopefully this time you don't pass out in the delivery room?"

Her cheeks flushed red as she remembered, or rather, lacked the memory. All she could remember was seeing Aden's head pop out and then she hit the floor with a thud. Abby had caught it on film. She scoffed "Thats just a myth"

"Mhmm... keep telling yourself that" Clarke whispered into Lexa's lips.

"You got a dick in those pants of yours that we don't know about?" Anya questioned with a grin, wrapping an arm around Lexa's shoulder and pulling her in for a hug whilst Raven dropped to eye level of Clarke's stomach, ranting about how great of an auntie she was. Costia just stood awkwardly between them all.

"Just the wonders of science, An" Lexa laughed into her embrace. Over her shoulder, she saw Niylah at the bar, raising a glass at her with a knowing smile. She nodded at her in recognition, returning her smile.

"Aden is going to freak out" Luna said

"God, I know. He'll either find it freaky or find it cool" Clarke responded.

"Congratulations, guys" Costia made her first words. Lexa couldn't be mad at her for making an effort. In fact, she couldn't be mad at all. She had no reason to be. She flashed her a grin.

"Thanks Costia"

If she could, she would slow down this exact moment. She'd take time to savour every emotions that she could feel coursing through her veins. Isolate them. Breathe them in. She'd take in the joy and excitement in Clarke's eyes, and the way her wife could look at her with so much adoration and love, hardly taking it into considering that she was the one who did most of it in the first place. She wished she could savour the pride in the eyes of her two sisters. She sank into Luna's arms, smiling so wide her cheeks were beginning to ache.

~~~

Aden was a dream come true. There was no worries of replacement when he had found out. No confusion or fear or upset. In fact, he was the entire opposite. Sometimes Lexa genuinely thought he was more excited than she was... almost. It had gotten to the point where the two would bicker over who gets to help Clarke first. One time, they had both showed up next to Clarke with a glass of water for her, and Lexa was the one who ended up sadly pouring hers out. The day after that, though, they had both woken up to make Clarke breakfast.

"Alright kiddo, almost done! Do you want to take the plate or the orange juice?" She asked him as she placed the bread into the frying pan

"I wanna take the plate!" He exclaimed. Lexa shushed him, and he flushed red, nodding in embarrassment.

The two of them were torn between making pancakes or making bacon. So instead, they decided to make a full English breakfast. Lexa prided herself on how well her bacon, eggs, sausages, beans, fried toast, fried tomatoes, mushrooms and black pudding turned out. If she just so happened to meet Gordon Ramsey in that specific moment, he would bow down to her will without a single doubt. She slid the toast onto the plate, and slid a towel under it so it wasn't too hot for Aden to carry.

"Now take it slow. I don't want you spilling those beans on the carpet." She watched his hands wobble as he approached the carpet, and her stomach flipped at the thought of having to clean out the beans and the tomato.

"Why?" He asked

"Because I will be thirty years old before I manage to get it clean again"

"Well... that's not too long to wait"

"I-" Lexa's mouth fell open as she followed person upstairs. That was another thing that Aden had got from her- her cheek and tongue. The amount of times she had jokingly caused havoc my saying the simplest things was dangerous. And now her son was clearly following in her footsteps with a mischievous smile. She rolled her eyes. It was still cute though.

"Mom!" Aden said, nudging the bedroom door open with his bum "Look what me and mama did for you!"

Clarke sat up in bed, stretching her arms out in a yawn before rubbing her eyes. She adjusted the white sheets around her and tucked the pillows behind her back. Lexa was in awe. _A_ _living, breathing angel_ she thought to herself as she placed the fresh orange juice on the bedside table _right here on the Earth with me as if she fell from the sky._ Aden made her hold the plate as he climbed up on the bed, then quickly took it back to hand it to Clarke "We made you an English breakfast!"

"You shouldn't have" She looked between them "You woke up early for this? Aden you never wake up early. Lex didn't you miss your run?"

It almost made Lexa feel bad for not seeing Mrs Burton today. She made a note to go over later in the day and say hello. She shrugged, sitting on the bed and pulling Aden into her lap. He giggled and played with Lexa's fingers where she had wrapped her arms around him.

"This tastes amazing" Clarke said through a mouth full "Thank you so much"

"You should get used to it. I don't think Aden's gonna give up on looking after you" Lexa said, tickling the boys ear "Are you?"

"Never!" he shouted

"Alright, alright! How about we watch a movie in bed? We haven't done that in a while" Aden quickly agreed with Clarke, shooting up to go find a dvd. He had settled on Lilo and Stitch, and Lexa couldn't possibly complain about her sons very tasteful choice of film. She sat back next to her wife on the bed, Aden wedged between them both and laughing at stitch. Every so often, he would pause and turn to his moms stomach, lightly putting a hand on it and smiling before directing his attention back to the television. Lexa already knew without a doubt that Aden was going to be the best brother their new baby could ever ask for. Clarke gave her a knowing look.

Despite her extreme misfortune earlier on in her life, Lexa felt like the luckiest person alive to have such a beautiful family. She knew without a doubt she'd want this to last forever and longer. Even the simplest things like washing the dishes and paying the bills. She didn't care. Just the existence of her family gave her a buzz of excitement that she could hardly hold in.


	4. The Final Push

It had been four months since Clarke had announced that she was pregnant. Lexa could hardly breathe with all of the excitement she was feeling. She paced back and forth, her wife watching her from the bed. Today was the scan that they would hopefully find out the gender of their baby. To take her mind off her throbbing brain, she snooped around, peaking inside drawers and cabinets.

"Lex, would you stop? You know you'll get us into trouble right?" Clarke whispered at her, beckoning her back over with a wave of her hand.

"It's fine it's not like I'm doing anything wrong. Relax..." As her hand touched the bench, the doorknob twisted. She shot back over to Clarke, slamming into the chair and crossing her legs casually. The blonde rolled her eyes.

"Ah. The classic snooping I see" The nurse chuckled as she closed the door behind her.

"I... Well" Lexa stammered

"No, no. It's completely normal. It's all about the nerves"

Lexa sat back in her seat quietly. She accepted that at this point, she should sit and listen.

"Now, first thing I'm going to do is rub some gel on your stomach, okay? Have you had a child before?" The nurse asked Clarke softly

"Yes, I have" The blonde smiled back

"Well, you know the drill here huh?" She chuckled. Lexa watched with bated breath as the nurse gently rubbed the, what Lexa referred to as the baby detector, over the gel, seeing a picture pop up on the screen. She reached over and grabbed Clarke's hand, lacing their fingers together and pressing a kiss to her skin. Clarke smiled at her. The nurse spoke up "Alright, do we want to know the gender?"

Lexa's eyes widened as she looked to her wife. She couldn't bare to wait and find out. She had to know exactly who she was talking to in Clarke's tummy. Clarke rolled her eyes at the brunettes fear.

"We'd love to know"

She sighed in relief as the nurse turned the screen to face them. Lexa almost fainted at how much the baby had grown already. Before she knew it, her second child would be in her arms by the speed that time was passing. She glanced at Clarke's swollen belly and then back at the screen as the nurse began pointing at an empty space

"See right here? There's no real evidence that your baby is male. Therefore..."

"Holy shit it's a girl" Lexa stood, knocking the chair over behind her. She was dumbfounded. Clarke laughed at her before pulling her in for a kiss.

"Yes, Lexa. We're having a baby girl"

"Oh my god" Lexa whispered, taking Clarke into her arms and hugging her. She didn't care about all the gel that was probably seeping into her clothes "Thank you"

"It's all you, baby" Clarke stroked her hair with a wide smile on her face "But I get to choose the name"

~~

"Emma" Lexa tried again. This was now the fifth eye roll Clarke had given her. Lexa flung head back to groan, swinging their tangled hands dramatically. Aden ran slightly ahead in the park, desperate to get to the swings. She could see him waiting with crossed arms to go in.

"That name is..." Clarke shook her head

"Oh come on" Lexa groaned "I can only think of so many names, Clarke."

"What about Brittany?" She joked, watching as Lexa's eyes widened.

"You can't be serious'

"I'm not." Clarke reassured, laughing at her wife.

"Thank god... what about Madi?" Lexa tilted her head, looking to her with hope. She crossed her fingers.

"Now... that's not a bad idea" She responded. When they finally reached Aden, Clarke gave him the go ahead to go play. It took all but a second for him to reach the swing set, leaving nothing but a cloud of dust from the dry dirt he kicked up. Lexa shrugged and wondered over to a bench, her wife holding her hand the entire hand. She insisted on helping Clarke sit down.

"God I feel like a beached wale and I'm not even at six months yet" Clarke groaned, rubbing her pregnant belly. Lexa beamed.

"But you're _my_ beached wale" She grinned. Clarke slapped her arm.

"Wow, that's the most romantic thing you've ever said, baby. Thank you" She said sarcastically

"What can I say, I'm such a charmer. I'm irresistible"

"Oh, shut up." Clarke sighed with a smile

"You didn't deny it either though" She pointed out

"Yes, because it's true" The blonde leant over and pressed a kiss to Lexa's cheek. Lexa had other plans though, and spun her head quick enough to catch the kiss on her lips "Asshole. Hey, what happened to me picking the name anyway?"

Lexa chuckled at Clarke's pout "I just wanted to beat you to it"

"Is there ever time you're not competitive, Lexa?"

"Nope, even when I'm dead I'll argue I have the best skeleton" She chuckled

"Who's the best wife here?" Clarke challenged, a smirk on her lips

"You" Lexa didn't even hesitate at the response

"I won there" 

"Or did you?" Lexa held the same cheeky grin on her face that Aden would carry around when he's up to no good. Clarke gave her a look.

"Whats that supposed to mean?"

"Well I have the greatest wife on the planet. How's that losing?" Clarke opened her mouth to respond, but was immediately snatched into Lexa's warm arms. She squealed feeling her tickle her ribs.

"Lexa! Lexa stop, you're twenty eight you shouldn't be tick-" She wheezed as Lexa hit another ticklish spot in her side

"Sorry what was that?" Lexa questioned over Clarke's loud giggles

"Stop! No! I can't breathe! You're gonna make my water break or something!"

"Oh don't be ridiculous" Clarke was practically slumped against Lexa now, gasping and laughing into her shoulder. Other parents were glancing over to the couple with a smile. Despite what Clarke tried to show in school, they were the most playful couple in the town, which also made for the happiest. They were the high school sweethearts of Polis high. The couple that _actually_ fell in love at first sight. Lexa eased off Clarke, finally letting her breathe properly. The woman slapped Lexa's arm once more as she hung her head to catch her breath

"I'm going to kill you when we get home" She groaned

"You threatened me last time too and it never happened"

"Watch me"

"Now? Or... later?" Lexa narrowed her eyes at the other girl. Clarke cuddled into Lexa's shoulder

"Just love me." She grumbled

"Well-"

"And be quiet"

Lexa grinned, wrapping an arm around her wife and watching as Aden sped across the monkey bars, cheeks puffed out in concentration. 

~~

Luna hoisted Aden on her shoulders, hearing him squeal at the height. She smiled at Abby, who was watching them from the couch. She seemed to be faded in sadness. She could only imagine how it felt to loose someone so close. 

"Look how tall I am grandma!" He exclaimed, reaching up and pressing a palm to the ceiling.

"Wow!" Abby said, looking up to him "Are you gonna grow up to be that big when you're older?"

"Even taller! My Mama is _so_ tall anyways! I'm going to be touching the roof without her or Aunt Luna's help soon! but... but I don't want a beard like uncle Lincoln" He said with a sudden pout

"Why's that kiddo?" Lexa chuckled

"It's too spiky and uncozy!" he said, earning a buzz of laughter from the small gathering. They had decided to go to Lexa's parents house for the night, with Lexa's siblings too, obviously. Lexa always invited Abby no matter what was happening.

"What about Grandpa Gus's beard?" The Aunt asked, tickling Aden's face where his beard was yet to grow "Would you grow a beard like his?"

"No it looks like a grey bush" He frowned. Gustus gasped, poking his head around the door

"No pudding for you, little man!" Immediately, Luna lowered him down to the ground before he lost it on her shoulders. He crossed his arms at Gustus, ready for a tantrum. The older man raised his eyebrows at the boy, who slowly but surely began to wail at him. Gustus's eyes widened immediately "No, no! Don't do that. Look, stop. I'll make extra!"

Like the flick of a switch, Aden stopped, dropped his arms and smiled. Gustus left with a sigh of relief, and the boy turned, high fiving his Aunt "You two are just full of mischief aren't you?" Abby asked as Aden plonked himself of the sofa beside her

"Nope! We just use our brains when you least expect us to" He said, reciting the sentence word for word from the time he heard Luna use it as an excuse to Clarke. Luna pressed her lips into a thin line awkwardly as Abby looked to her expectantly.

"I pity that child for what you've done to him" Anya said

"Oh come on, he loves me. Besides, you were the worst out of all of us at one time" Luna said. Lexa turned to her with a quirked brow.

"At one time" Anya highlighted

"You literally just tricked our dad into making more pudding" Lexa said, crossing her legs. She flicked the television on, surfing through the channels. The news caught her eye, and Lexa left it there, leaning back in her seat and resting a finger across her lips in concentration. They had announced the drafting almost half a month into the start of the war. It took a long time for Lexa to get over that guilt, but for now, she was alright with watching the news. Obviously there were still updates, but she mostly watched it for the weather and local updates on her home. She liked knowing about the small events people were doing to help.

"Worth it though. His sticky toffee pudding is to die for"

"I couldn't agree with you more" Lexa chuckled

Suddenly, a woman's concerned face flashed on the television screen, as she glanced down at her papers "Ahm, some very very upsetting news reaching us here today in the studio. We have recently caught news that is of great importance to bring to you at this moment."

The words _'BREAKING NEWS'_ glowed on a red bar at the bottom of the screen, and Lexa quickly shushed the room. Clarke and Lexa's parents came in from the kitchen, intrigued.

"We believe that there has been an explosion at an elementary school in New York. Local authorities are already linking this to the erm... war currently occurring between the United States and Mount Weather. There have been twelve casualties counted from the rubble so far, more are yet to be announced-" Lexa hit the red power button on the remote, staring at the now black screen in horror.

She could sense everyone in the room felt the same way. Even Aden understood the weight of it all, and looked around with a fearful pout. Abby tucked him further into her side, kissing his head comfortingly. Lexa's heart broke into a million pieces as she was staring at her son. What if it had been _his_ school? What if Lexa lost _her_ son? _Her_ family?

She clenched her fists, feeling Clarke's watery eyes watching her. She could feel their weight, pushing down on her. Clarke knew what Lexa was thinking. She looked to her sisters who held the same angered gaze. She knew they felt it too.

She finally caught Clarke's eyes, Gustus' large hand coming to rest on the blonde's shoulder in an effort for comfort. She clenched her jaw as her eyes flicked down to Clarke's pregnant stomach, where their daughter Madi grew. What if it had been Clarke's school? What if she had lost the both of them at the _same_ _time_? Her heart throbbed at the idea, and she stood, seeing Clarke take a step towards her. She quickly made her way out to the front porch for fresh air.

"Lex-"

She slammed the door, feeling the warm crisp air hit her burning skin. It wasn't enough to cool her temper, but it did feel a lot better than inside right now. She sighed, fingers lacing into her hair in frustration as she leant against the wall on the porch. Slowly, she slid down it. She felt ashamed. In fact, she felt like a coward. Innocent children had just died, casualties to a war they never agreed to. They could hardly spell never mind defend themselves against something like that. She felt a tear slip out of the corner of her eye, quietly scurrying down the skin of her cheek. 

She should have gone as soon as it had started.

She felt stupid for believing it wouldn't last long.

The door delicately opened beside her. She didn't have to turn her head to know who it was. The soft footsteps and the gentle hand on her shoulder told her everything she needed to know. She felt her sit beside her on the floor, shoulder brushing with Lexa's. The brunette stared out into the street.

"I understand, baby" Clarke whispered quietly. Lexa frowned, lilting her head to look at Clarke

"What?"

"I know you want to go." She said, shifting closer to Lexa "I can't stop you. It's not in you to sit back and watch it happen. It's not you"

Clarke was right. She was never wrong, especially about Lexa's feelings. She had always kept her emotions in check, even in high school, and yet the blonde could always take one look at her and just... _understand_.

"I found the letter from Kane that you threw out" The blonde said "Maybe you should give him a call, Lex"

Lexa looked down guiltily. Of course she found it- she could read her like a book "What did they say?"

Clarke sighed "I think you know what they're going to do."

Lexa nodded. She was talking about her sisters. Both had retired like Lexa, and yet they were all thinking the same thing. It was time to go back, despite how much they despised being there. The amount of death Lexa had already experienced was enough for her as it was after Afghanistan. She dreaded having to see the sights once more, never mind a hundred times more.

"You just need to promise me you'll come home, Lex" Clarke whispered. There were tears falling freely from her eyes as she stared at Lexa, eyes begging "You know I can't do this without you"

Lexa watched her with soft eyes as she nodded "I promise, Clarke"

Lexa Woods was never one to lie. More often than not, she kept her promise to everyone she made one to. _Especially_ Clarke. She ignored the pit of uncomfortable in her stomach that told her that maybe she couldn't keep her promise this time. She gently took Clarke into her arms, kissing the hair on the top of her head.

She hadn't realised she had been teetering on the edge for so long until she had received the final push to go back.

~~

She pushed open the door of the recruitment centre, finding it swarmed. It had never been this busy before. Lexa gazed across them, spotting the same letter clutched in their hands.

"Lexa?" She heart the familiar voice. She turned to see the tall blonde stood to her left.

"Niylah? What are you doing here?" Lexa questioned, looking down at the piece of paper the pub owner held with delicate fingers "What's that?"

Niylah sighed, waving it in the air slightly. Her eyes were tired, and Lexa could see the glimpse of worry shining with a dull ache in them "This right here is my draft letters. Got them last week, and they said to come here today so..."

Lexa's heart sank. This woman didn't belong in the midst of a war, a gun in her hand and dodging bullets. She wasn't built that way. She remembered what the girl had said in the pub the night Clarke had announced she was pregnant. _"I just hope they don't start drafting. I can't handle a gun for shit."_

"Come with me" She said quietly, taking her shoulder and leading her down the corridor

"What? Lexa where are we going? I have to be through there for-"

"Just trust me" She said quietly "I can't let you go out there"

"Lexa I'm not a draft dodger. I'm pretty sure that's illegal."

Lexa found the door she was looking for. The plaque on the outside held the name of Marcus Kane. She reached for the handle, opening the door and barging in without a knock or announcement. Kane looked up from his computer, glasses hanging from his nose as his eyes flashed with recognition.

"Lexa. Hello. I wasn't expecting you to show up when you didn't respond to my letter" He said, sitting back in his chair to direct his attention towards her.

"I thought it was the best thing to do" She said, pushing Niylah to take a seat at the desk.

"Who's this?" Kane asked.

"Uh... my name is Niylah.. sir" She said quietly, looking to Lexa in confusion.

"I need a favour from you" Lexa said, crossing her arms.

"Uh, oh" The man said, looking between them, glancing at the paper in Niylahs hands "What am I doing for you?"

"Terminate her draft and enlist me" Lexa said firmly

"Lexa I can't-"

"Yes you can"

"You don't need to-" Niylah tried, quickly spoken over as if she was nothing but a child interrupting an adults conversation.

"I don't understand Lexa, I didn't think you wanted to go"

"I don't. But things are out of hand. I have to. I'll take her place in going, Kane. Just don't make her go. I know you can terminate the draft"

Kane sighed, rubbing the side of his face as he glanced back at the computer screen "Are you sure Lexa? You have kids..."

"And Niylah owns a pub. She's never held a gun before, and I know she won't get the training I got. That takes too long"

"And Clarke?"

"She knows"

"And she's okay with it?"

"I'm sorry, am I here to talk about my domestic problems or are you going to enlist me again and help Niylah out?" Lexa snapped at him.

Kane grumbled under his breath, holding out his hand to take Niylah's letter. Hesitantly, she handed it over. His eyes flicked back and forth as he read over it, scratching the beard on his chin and peeking through his low hanging glasses. "Alright. Niylah, you may go home. I'll take care of this for you."

"But... won't I get in trouble?" She looked afraid

"No. I'm doing this for you, and Lexa is taking your place. I'll handle this"

Hesitantly, the woman stood. She looked to be on the verge of tears, and Lexa reached out to comfort her in some way when she suddenly leapt to hug her. The bartender wrapped her arms tightly around Lexa's neck, clutching her tightly. Carefully, Lexa hugged her back. She could hear the sniffles coming from her neck, and she rubbed her back gently.

"Thank you, Lexa. Thank you so much" She cried

"It's more than okay Niylah. I was going anyway" Lexa spoke softly, releasing her from the hug to look her in the eyes "Get yourself home and cleaned up, alright?"

She nodded, and left without another word.

"Always gotta be the hero, in and out of the war zone, huh?" Kane chuckled from his desk

"It's just right to help people" she said, sliding into the chair Niylah was previously seated in. She crossed her arms, looking at the papers that littered his desk. She watched the pendulum next to his hands, the balls swinging back and forth, knocking the other into a swing. She always found them so frustrating. He chuckled, placing a hand on them to stop the momentum.

"What made you come back?" He asked

"I didn't even expect it to go on this long. And it's way worse than I thought..."

"It was the school explosion. Wasn't it?" He questioned her, eyes all too knowing

"Yeah" she nodded

He nodded with her, opening a drawer beside his desk and reaching for some papers "Alright. I'll get you back out there. Should I expect a visit from your sisters?"

"Most likely" She said grimly

"Well." He said, standing from his desk and reaching across with an open hand "Welcome back Sergeant Woods"

She gripped the hand, shaking it firmly "Thank you sir"

If it had been the same day last year, it would have been like any other Tuesday morning. But today, it was far from it.

This Tuesday was the last day Lexa was a free woman for a very, very long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello. I've never been pregnant before so idk what I'm doing. I've also never been in the British army, never mind the us army so idk what I'm doing there either. Just roll with it guys.


	5. Out of Retirement

Lexa stared at herself in the bathroom mirror, a palm pressed to either side of the sink as the water ran idly. It had been years since she last wore this uniform. When she first put it on all those years ago, Clarke had joked that she always dreamed of having a girl in uniform. That was, until she realised the weight that was carried within the fabric of the camouflage. It was difficult, seeing her dog tags hanging from her neck in the mirror. She was curious as to whether she would return home with them, or it would only be the cold metal of an identification tag. She shook the thought from her mind, turning off the faucet as she sighed and slipped on her cap.

Turning, she picked up her duffle bag and slung it onto her shoulder, making her way downstairs. On the couch sat her two sisters dressed just like her, their own bags on the floor in front of their feet. Raven sat quietly on the arm, holding Luna's hand with tight fingers. Anya sat alone, quietly staring at the ground with her hands rested on her thighs.

"Hey, baby" Clarke whispered softly from behind her, arms wrapping around her waist slowly. She could feel the light kiss the blonde pressed to the top of her spine before she turned to face her loving wife.

"Hey" She whispered back, leaning down to rest her forehead against hers, closing her eyes. She could feel her heart throbbing in her chest, and the familiar growing lump in her throat that made it hard to breathe along with the sickly feeling at the bottom of her stomach. She felt it every time she was leaving Clarke behind. The beautiful girl seemed to notice her discomfort, just as she always did, and gently ran her hand up and down her back with a kiss to her nose.

She felt the familiar tug on the pocket of her trousers, and looked down to see Aden stood beside her, staring up at her with fearful teary eyes. Her heart broke into a million pieces as she lifted him up into her arms, planting a kiss on his cheek and catching his tears with her thumb. Clarke, Aden and now Madi were her reasons to stay; to be happy and to love them dearly without risking never coming back. They were also her reasons to go; to protect them and to end the war before they could fall victim to it like the others. He nuzzled into her neck.

"Come on, sweetheart" Clarke said, forcing a smile "You'll miss your flight if you're not careful"

 _Maybe I want to miss it. Maybe I should stay..._ Lexa began to think.

"I'll see you at the airport" Anya said in an almost monotone voice. She had decided to volunteer to ride with their parents while Raven and Luna drove with Lexa, Clarke and Aden.

As Clarke was carrying their bags to the car, Lexa stood in the doorway, looking in on her home. She knew it all like the back of her hand. She could remember every lick of paint she applied when they moved in. She knew where every unfortunate chip was in the wall from having a boisterous baby boy. And yet, she couldn't help but try memorising exactly how it looked as she was leaving. She closed the door with one last glance, locking the door with Clarke's keys and went to join the others in the car.

The car ride was painful. It was agonisingly slow, but at the same time, far too fast. Her leg bounced in the foot well of the passenger seat as she glanced over to Clarke who's eyes were on the road. She knew Clarke was feeling low, and yet the blonde tried so hard to hold it together like she always did. She was always so strong. So perfect. The way she would bite her lip to hold back her feelings. The way her knuckles would whiten on the steering wheel for a split moment before she loosened her grip again. It made her feel guilty for doing this again.

She caught Luna's eye in the rear view mirror. Her big chocolate brown eyes stared back at her, a softness in them that screamed pity. Of course, Lexa didn't want any of it. It was her choice to go back in the first place. But there was also the fear and worry in her eyes. Much like Lexa's, it wasn't the fear for herself, but the fear for Raven. After all, they had gotten engaged. Luna needed to come home so she could marry the love of her life and eventually start a family of her own like she had always secretly talked about to Lexa when Raven's back was turned.

She tore her eyes from her sister, turning to face the window. As she watched the blurs of passing trees and cars, she felt Clarke's soft palm on her thigh offering the comfort she didn't even know she needed until she felt it. She could hear the soft talking between Raven, Luna and Aden in the backseat, but besides that, the car was silent. Lexa hated it with a passion.

Anya and her parents were already waiting at the gate, Abby also stood there with her handbag clutched tightly with two hands in front of her. Gustus stood with his hands on Indra's shoulders, squeezing gently. That was when the weight of the situation finally hit Lexa like an upper cut punch to the gut, knocking whatever breath she had from her lungs. This was the last time she would see the rest of her family for a long time... if ever again. This was where she left them.

Raven was the first to cry, latching herself desperately to Luna and sobbing into her neck despite Luna trying her best to comfort her. Lexa bit her lip, turning to her parents, who quickly enveloped her in a hug. Indra took her cap off, smoothing her hair before gently placing it back on her head.

"I'm going to miss you baby" Indra said softly "You'll look after your sisters, won't you?"

"Of course I will, Mom. I always do" Lexa promised

"That's my girl" Gustus said with a smile, clapping his daughter on the back encouragingly. It didn't look like he was all that emotional, but Lexa knew that on the inside he was. He had the same habit Lexa did, which just made it easier for her to read.

She caught Abby's eye, and opened her arms for the widowed doctor, who quickly ushered herself into Lexa's hug. She clutched onto the younger woman tightly, rubbing her back.

"You'll look after them while I'm gone?" Lexa whispered to her.

Abby quickly nodded into her shoulder "I will. I promise, Lexa"

"Good. She's going to need an extra helping hand with the baby" Lexa said with a smile, just as the announcement for her flight echoed over the airport intercom. She held Abby closer for a minute, whispering into her ear "Find what makes you happy again, Abby. You deserve it."

Abby sniffled into her neck, understanding her meaning. It was obvious how unhappy she was, despite having her family around. Abby needed something else or someone else to make her smile again like the way she had when Jake was around.

She turned to Clarke, letting the doctor free of the hug. Her wife stood silently holding their son's hand, the swell of her stomach all too obvious. Tears streamed down both of their faces. With two strides and a heavy heart, Lexa took Clarke in a strong hug. The blonde grasped at her uniform, hanging onto her and sniffing. The connection made Lexa never want to let go. Ever.

"I love you so much" Lexa whispered to her "Don't ever forget that, Clarke"

Her words drew out a sob from Clarke, and Lexa clenched her jaw to hold back her own hot tears "I love you so much more, baby. Please come back. Please."

"Don't worry, love" Lexa mumbled to her "You make dying sound a lot less fun"

"God I hate that word" Clarke stressed, pulling back to grab Lexa's face and press a desperate kiss to her lips, tears strolling down her cheeks and dropping to Lexa's "Promise me, Lexa"

Lexa hated to lie. She couldn't make that promise. But looking at her wife, stood torn with tears dampening her face, she made the promise. She looked to Aden, crouching down to his height. Her ran to her, wrapping his small arms around his mama and grabbing onto her camouflaged shirt almost identically to how his mom had.

"Mama you have to come back. I need you back" He cried into her shoulder. Her hands gently rubbed up and down his back "Please don't leave me"

"I'll never leave you, kiddo. Never in a million years" Lexa said softly

"You won't?" He said, looking to her with watery green eyes. 

"I swear on it, bud."

The final call for her flight was announced, and Lexa stood, grabbing her duffel bag. She kissed Clarke one last time, slowly, pouring her love onto the girl's soft lips.

"I'll see you soon" She spoke gently with a small, reassuring smile.

"You better" Clarke threatened light heartedly "Or you'll have a lot to pay for, Woods"

Lexa laughed as she followed her sisters to the gate, looking back one more time at her family. Her heart fell to her stomach watching Clarke lifting a sobbing Aden into her arms, kissing the side of his head to soothe him. She almost stopped. She almost stopped walking and spun right back around to go back to her family. But she didn't. She lifted a hand to wave, forcing out her most convincing smile, and disappeared behind the doors. She could still hear Aden's cries for her to come back as she sat down in her seat beside Anya. She could still feel the ghost of Clarke's desperate lips.

"They'll be just fine, Lex" Anya said with a small smile "Once we get out there this was will all be over in an instant. You don't need to worry about them, I'm sure Raven and Abby will take good care of Clarke"

Lexa nodded quietly, playing with the wedding ring around her finger, spinning it in circles. The truth was, she knew Clarke would be okay. She knew Gustus and Indra would take care of her too. They'd probably be there every day. But what panicked her was the idea of losing one of her sisters... or both. She was afraid one of them wouldn't come home; that included herself.

"I know they will be" Lexa nodded, turning to look out the window. She propped her head up on her fist, staring out at the ground that slowly disappeared as the plane ascended into the air. She felt the distance between herself and her children, opening an empty feeling inside her. As she grew further and further away from the ground, she missed Clarke more and more. She had a feeling this time, it would be a lot harder.

~~

Lexa dropped her duffel bag down at the back of the tent beside her cot, and sighed as she dropped her cap onto the pillow, scratching the back of her head. Luckily, the cots were assigned in alphabetical order, so both of her sisters were in the beds to her left. One of Lexa's favourite things was being assigned a corner bed. It meant that she was out of the way, there was less light, and she had her back to the wall. Although the safest place to be was smack bang in the middle of the main camp, it still reassured Lexa in a strange, sad way.

"Sergent Woods" She heard from behind her. Immediately, she spun around, back straight and poised, when she recognised who it was.

"Quint" She said in disbelief. She had completely many tours with Quint in Afghanistan, each time he served well. It was safe to say that Lexa felt safe around the man, and if it came down to it, would trust him with her life.

"Here I was thinking you were retired" He said with a lengthy grin across his face. He was a few years older than her, pushing the age limit of entry. He was bald now, although when Lexa had first met him he almost had a healthy head of hair despite it beginning to thin. She could still remember the laughs they had as Lexa tried her best to shave it off with his beard trimmer on their last tour.

"I was meant to be" Lexa grumbled "But somebody had to go start a war"

"You could have stayed home" He offered, before recognising what he said "Right. You didn't feel right about it. Did you?"

"Of course not. I tried. But people need me and I don't want to leave the fighting to everyone else. It's my-"

"Your duty." Quint smiled "How's Clarke?"

"Extremely pregnant" Lexa said humorously. Her heart banged with longing to see her wife again, and it was hardly even her first day away. Quint raised his eye brows.

"Jesus Christ. Again?"

Lexa sat on the end of her cot, tying the shoe laces of her boots once more to make sure they were tight "Yeah"

"God damn, you two are busy folk aren't you? Boy or girl? Or do you not know?"

"It's a girl. We already decided to call her Madi" She smiled

"You think she's gonna come out, a roaring lesbian like yourself?" He joked

"Whether she's attracted to men, women, both, or any in between, Lexa will definitely be chasing them out of the house with a baseball bat" Luna mumbled from her cot, her cap draped over her eyes.

"Damn fucking right. And that goes the same for Aden. If he brings a girl over I'll whoop her tiny little ass straight into-"

"Calm it Lex. You'll probably be the one buying the condoms" Anya commented, earring a roar of laughter from Quint. Lexa looked to her with her mouth gaping.

"I would do no such thing! Everyone in town knows me. How's it gonna look when the lesbian woman is at the till buying _condoms_ Anya? Clarke would kill me"

"By the way you're popping kids out, Lex, it sounds like you're gonna need them"

"Shut the fuck up" Lexa smacked Luna's leg, causing the girl to yelp.

"And the Woods siblings are back..." Quint shook his head, laughing to himself quietly "I need a shower. Somebody already got dibs on the hot water so... if any of you guys wanted some warm water for a shower, kiss it goodbye"

"Bold of him to assume I'm a Woods" Anya grunted

"Lovely" Lexa murmured, slumping onto her bed with a sigh. She reached over, digging into the front pocket of her bag to pull out her photographs.

There was one, a small one around the length of Lexa's thumb that she had carried in her helmet since she first joined the army. Clarke was a lot younger then, just after they had graduated. The paper was frayed on the edges, smudges of dirt making its way around the outside. Another was an image of Lexa and Aden, as she held the boy high above her head as she helped him play planes. This photograph was newer than the other, having it been only taken with her on her final tour to Afghanistan. Then was the newest. The glossy paper was still fresh and crisp, and Lexa found it so incredibly satisfying to see the image so clearly. It was an image of the last scan Clarke and Lexa attended. Each of the photos she cherished dearly, and she pressed a kiss to each one of them, sliding them under her pillow for the time being.

She could see beside her that Luna was doing the same thing, but with an image of Raven instead. She could hear the cogs turning in the girls head, and sat up, crossing her legs. She waited for a few moments before she spoke up, like Lexa expected.

"Hey, guys?" Luna asked quietly. She lay on her back, fiddling with her fingers across her stomach.

"What's up, Luna?" Lexa asked softly. 

"You know when we make it back home?"

"What about it?" 

"Well, I was thinking. I really don't know where to go to marry her" She spoke in a soft tone, playing with the engagement ring.

"I thought you go to a church or something" Anya frowned.

"Well, not necessarily." Lexa said with a smile "Honestly, you can get married anywhere. Somewhere special to the both of you, if you can think of one."

"And after the vows?" She frowned, looking to the older girl for guidance. Lexa shrugged.

"As long as there's food and a bar I don't think people care. Just make sure I'm invited" She winked.

"You know, the more you say that, the more afraid I am to invite you. I think I'll just invite Anya. One sister is enough without having the other coming and crashing my wedding party."

"Hey. You know I'll make it ten times better" Lexa smirked at her sister

"You wish"

~~

Laughs erupted around the table and Lexa leant back in her seat with a smile on her face. She glanced at her cards, then at the people around her. Luna and Anya sat together, both with a frown on their faces as they concentrated. Mason kept quiet, mind ticking beside Quint. He was a short man, not nearly the height of Quint, but he made up for it in muscle. He also happened to be one of their best sharp shooters- someone Lexa could always trust to make the shot when she needed him to. Ryder, a bearded brunette with a deep bellied laugh no matter what was said, shot up, slamming his cards on the table.

"This is my win" He grinned and crossed his arms

"Fuck" Luna and Anya spoke at the same time, dropping their cards in defeat.

"Hate to blow in your ass, but..." Quint dropped his cards next to Ryder's with a grin, his cards clearly having more worth. The other man's smile faded, and he quietly sat down in his seat "What about you Mason?" 

Mason shook his head with a sigh, sliding the cards onto the table with dissapointment

"Well I guess that means I win"

"Not really" Lexa said with a smirk, gently placing her cards next to Quints

"For fucks sake, Lexa" He groaned, dropping his face into his palms as the table burst out laughing once more "I bet my last bag of candy"

"Should have thought of that before putting in the bet. If you're not willing to lose it... don't do it" She cackled, popping open the bag of candy and offering the bag to her siblings who each took one with a cheeky smile.

"Poker was so much easier when you lot fucked of" Ryder said "You better hurry up and end this war so we can play in peace"

"Oh please, you missed us" Anya mumbled through the candy in her mouth

"Only a little. Mostly Lexa" He said, earning a glare from then other two women "But only because she actually made sense as a leader"

"What do you mean?" Lexa asked, propping up her thick black boots onto the table and crossing her arms behind her neck

"Well when you left we got handed over to this bald piece of shit. Just bossed us around and never came with us anywhere. Called him tight-ass"

Lexa frowned "What was his actual name?"

"Titus" Mason reminded him

"Oh, yeah! Yeah, Titus" Ryder said, snapping his fingers and leaning forward "Such a fucking asshole, Lex, I'm telling you. If you ever met him you'd for sure have his head"

"That wouldn't be very nice of me" Lexa said with a small smile

He scoffed "Nobody would blame you. Come on, we all know you would"

"Well, maybe you're right. From what you're telling me"

"Lexa... you knocked out that newbie that came into the wrong tent" Lexa winced. She felt awful watching the young guy running out of their tent clutching a bloody nose, his eyes watering profusely.

"That was different!" She argued "I didn't know who he was. It could have been anybody"

"Someone remind me how Clarke copes with all three of you" Quint chuckled

Lexa sighed, scratching the back of her neck. Her heart throbbed at the thought of her wife. What she would do to curl up with her in her arms again. Instead, tonight she would be sleeping alone without her for the first time in a long time "I have no idea"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, idk about the army so don't be critical. Anyways, hope you enjoyed :)


	6. The First and Last Call

Lexa slid out of the jeep, boots digging far into the light dirt under her feet. So far, she hadn't even been into the war side of things. It was mostly just making calls from where she was camped and talking to drafted soldiers to help them adjust. She knew it wouldn't last long, and soon she'd be given a task for her platoon. To say she was nervous about it was an understatement. As a sergeant, she'd be the one giving the orders on the mission, and although she had done that plenty of times before and got the best outcome possible, she couldn't help but worry. It had been a long time since she had held that leadership.

"You good, boss?" Mason questioned, slapping her on the back with a smile. Mason always held a kind heart, and Lexa often wondered how such a kind soul had ended up in the US army. She had always imagined him to be a doctor, or possibly even a shrink. He was too much of a soft man to be in a war zone, and yet he was one of the best Lexa had ever had.

"Yeah. I'm fine. Where's Artigas?" She asked, brushing him off.

"He's in using the computer. He finally got his turn on Skype" He said. Lexa frowned at how difficult it was to get a call home. There was only one computer between them, and to squeeze in at the right time zone to catch someone awake back home was almost impossible. Lexa hadn't even tried yet, knowing it would probably be a pointless attempt. Mason seemed to recognise her frustration "Listen, I was gonna call my mom once Artigas finished up. He said he'd save me the computer. You could call Clarke instead if you want"

The man shrugged as if the offer was nothing at all, and Lexa spun to him with wide eyes "What? But what about your Mom?"

"I called her not along ago. I know you haven't called her yet, Lexa"

"I'm just making sure everyone else gets their chance, that's all" She said

"Always a hero, huh" He chuckled, resting a hand on her shoulder "I'll get you that call Serge"

"You don't have t-"

"I want to. And besides, if I don't, your wife will beat my ass" He said with a grin. Lexa could remember the countless times the blonde had chased her through the house (no matter who's house it was) to beat her ass for doing something or the other... usually related to her typical mischief. The chase would always end with soft lips, play fights, or tickling. Commonly, all three at once. Sometimes, although it was rare, Lexa would be the once chasing her. She smiled at the thought of Clarke's squeals as they sprinted out into the backyard.

"Alright then" She agreed with a sigh.

"You've softened up" He commented, smirking

"I've done no such thing" She gasped "Now I suggest you head back to your tent before I'm the one who kicks your ass"

His smirk grew stronger "Theres the commander we know and love. I'll see you later"

She hummed a response, trekking across camp as Mason disappeared behind the flaps of the tent. She dug her hands into her pockets, making her way through the camp. Seeing so many unfamiliar faces was strange to her, considering in Afghanistan she knew every single person to even set foot in the camp. Of course she recognised some, but only from her time in this particular camp. The number of people she spoke to who had been drafted broke her heart. A lot of them never returned to base after their first mission, or if they did, were currently lying in the Medway with fatal wounds.

"Lexa?" She heard a whisper. She shot around, looking for the source with wide eyes. She scanned the crowd of soldiers with a frown "Lexa!"

She turned, and that's when she saw the girl. She was sat on top of a storage box, legs hanging idly. There was a gun leant against the box, littered with splashes of dirt and scratches on the side. Hazel eyes stared down at her, the near black hair hanging loose in her pony tail. She looked as if she had seen a ghost, her skin pale and lifeless.

" _Costia?_ " She questioned in shock, weaving her way around a table towards the girl. She placed her hands on her hips, looking up to her in confusion "What the fuck are you doing here?"

"I don't even know" The girl said with a wavering voice "One moment I was in the office, and then the next day I'm lining up with my draft papers for an assessment"

Lexa looked her up and down. It was odd seeing the girl in uniform, and judging by the dirt on her boots and up her legs, she had already seen what it meant to wear it. She sighed, holding her hands up for the other girl to take. Hesitantly, Costia took them, sliding off the box and back onto the ground with Lexa's aid.

"Does it get any better?" She asked.

Lexa tilted her head at the question "What do you mean?"

"Killing people"

The Sergeant furrowed her brows. In all honestly, Lexa had grown numb to it. She could block out the idea of pity because those same people were trying to harm her platoon and her family. But she recognised the guilt in Costia's eyes- she had seen it so many times before in newbies.

"It'll get easier, if that's what you're wondering. You don't forget, but with reasoning, it's easier" She spoke "In the end, its you or them. I think we'd both rather it be them”

Costia nodded to herself, almost feeding on Lexa's words and taking them in. Lexa placed a hand on the girl's shoulder, unsure of how to comfort her ex. She was almost wiped off her feet when Costia spun around and threw herself at Lexa, burying her face in her neck and wrapping her arms around her tightly. For a moment, Lexa did nothing, too shocked by the movement to do anything at all. That was, until she pulled herself out of her head and gently patted her on her back, holding the back of the head as she sniffled.

"Does Anya know you're out here?" She asked, hiding the awkwardness she felt

Costia pulled back, loosening her grip on Lexa as she looked to her with hopeful eyes "Anya's here?"

"Yeah, we came together. Luna is also-"

"Where is she?" She questioned

"Who? Luna?"

"No, no. Anya" She said urgently. Lexa tilted her head

"Uhm... in my platoons tent" She lifted her finger and pointed down the narrow gap of tents she had came from "The furthest one on the right down that way. Why..."

"Thank you, Lexa" Costia planted a quick kiss on her cheek before she shot off in the direction Lexa had pointed her towards. 

The married woman swiped at her cheek with the back of her hand, grunting at someone else's lips that weren't Clarke's. She knew Costia meant nothing of it, but she still felt the distaste of the feeling never the less. She turned back in the direction she was walking, trying to clear her mind of Costia's peculiar behaviour. 

"Sergeant Woods" She heard herself being called for once more, and stopping in her tracks. She spun around, her back immediately straightening to stand at attention. She knew who the voice belonged to.

"Colonel" She addressed him. The man was stood in the entrance of his tent, watching her. He stood with a hunch to fit through the door way, one thick arm holding open the flap. He was a giant of a man, standing taller than anyone she had met so far. He held a flash of humour in his blue-grey eyes as he waved her over.

"Come on, Woods. We need to talk"

"Talk?" Lexa questioned, following him into the tent. He sat down in his chair, plucking out his pistol from the holster on his leg and placing it on the table. She down stiffly before him. "What about?"

"Well..." He crossed his arms across his chest, and Lexa's heart pounded in her chest."Come on Lexa, my best friend's daughter just happens to show up at my camp and doesn't even come to talk to me. Shouldn't you be at home?"

Lexa almost laughed out loud, having actually believed she was in trouble "Jesus, Nyko. You almost made me shit myself" She gasped, leaning back in her seat and grasping her chest in attempt to calm herself. The man roared with a laugh.

"Just as uptight as Gustus, huh? How is he by the way?"

Gustus was the one that inspired Luna and Lexa to join the army in the first place, and Anya shortly followed being the big protective sister she was but never admitted to being. Nyko had been good friends with her father, and according to the stories that Gustus would always burst out with on Christmas Eve, an honourable one too. He was the quickest medic Gustus had ever seen, and one of the bravest. After her father retired, Nyko stayed to take on a higher rank. She held a lot of respect for the man.

"He's actually great. It took him a few years after he retired to stop being so damn grumpy all the time, but now he's all love"

"hmm... sounds like I'll need to pay him a visit then. Can't have him going all soft, can we?" He chuckled "And Clarke? Speaking of which, why aren't you there with her?"

Lexa shrugged, scratching the back of her neck "I had to come"

"I guessed you might. But make sure you go back, Lexa. I'm serious" He pointed a finger to her "I'm not going to be the one to tell her"

"I know, I know" She sighed. She despised the idea "Is there any other reason you wanted to see me?"

He raised his eyebrows "Well, actually there is"

"Oh?" Lexa imitated his facial expression.

"Yes. As you've noticed, Lexa, you haven't been sent out yet. And if you have, not far at all" He spoke, lacing his fingers together on the desk in front of him. Lexa nodded along, understanding how serious the colonel was "Well, that's because you've been assigned to a special task force. Everyone in your platoon, in fact, are a part of it"

"A special task force" She repeated "Why's that exactly..? Can't you just get the Green Barets or the SEALs"

"They're all occupied. The people high above me came up with some new task forces, which include you. Your team were spotless on every mission in Afghanistan, Woods. There wasn't a single casualty in your team under your command. Your leadership and the skill of your guys... Lexa they chose you for a reason"

"So... I'm basically a rip off seal" She nodded. He cackled

"You're our Lexa Woods" He corrected "Now get up, and go tell your platoon I'll be there tomorrow at 08:00 to talk over your first mission plans"

"We're getting a mission?" She asked, perking up. 

"Don't look so desperate... but yes. Yes you are."

~~

"Hey, baby"

Lexa's eyes lit up at the sound of her wife's sweet voice through the old headphones. Artigas and Mason gave her a thumbs up in the doorway, and were quickly waved off with a smile.

"Hey" Lexa breathed. It felt like a weight being lifted off to see Clarke again, even though it was only through a computer screen "You look beautiful, as always"

"Oh stop lying, Lex. I just woke up"

She wasn't lying. Her eyes were sleepy, the blue radiating from her partly closed eyelids. Her lips were slightly parted, still recovering from the gigantic yawn she had fallen victim to not long ago. Her blonde lengthy hair was slightly tousled from sleep. Lexa would have done anything in that moment to lie next to her and fall asleep with her in her arms.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you. I could call another time if you're tired-"

"No! No of course not. By the way, you really should have told Mrs Burton that you were leaving. The poor woman's been saving you her lemonade in the fridge. She came by today to see if you were okay"

"Shit" Lexa cursed herself with a small smile on her lips. Of course Mrs Burton would do that; her heart was too large to do otherwise "Well, tell her to save me them for when I get back. I think I'm gonna need a lot more than just a glass"

Clarke looked to the screen with concerned eyes that dug directly into Lexa's heart. She spoke softly "How is it out there?"

Lexa sighed, running a hand down the side of her face "I've been assigned to a special unit, so I haven't really been into the deep of it yet. But... I'm seeing people coming in on stretchers. Body bags sometimes" She shrugged "I don't think it's too good. And I've seem this sort of thing before, Clarke"

Clarke's concerned features only grew "You have to be careful out there Lex. I mean it. You remember what I told you right? No-"

"No wet clothing, I'll catch a cold or something worse. Always dry my boots"

"Because you need your feet" Her wife finished. There was a pause of silence, before she spoke again "Aden misses you like crazy"

"Hopefully I won't be here too long, sweetheart. I'll be home before he knows it"

There was a sound of scuffling and small padding feet in the kitchen where Clarke was sat, and the blonde turned to the sound. Lexa just managed to hear the faint words 'what are you doing up?' and 'is that mama?'. A grin immediately spread across Lexa's face, knowing fine well her son was getting himself into trouble just to talk to her. She watched as the green eyed boy was hoisted into Clarke's lap, and joy quickly overtook his mood.

"Mama!" He exclaimed, jumping forward towards the table that Clarke's laptop was sat on. His face filled the camera, leaving only a few strands of Clarke's hair present in the image.

Lexa laughed "Hey, kiddo! What are you doing up in the middle of the night?"

"I wanted to talk to you! I heard mom talking"

"You're sneaky, aren't you?"

The boy shrank back into Clarke's lap, playing with his fingers suspiciously.

"Uh oh" She said, smiling "I know that look. What did you do, kid?"

"Are you going to tell your mama?" Clarke questioned the boy. He shook his head, looking down at his feet. Her wife sighed and brushed her hair from her eyes "Your son decided to sneak a fart cushion under Mr Green's chair in science"

Lexa's mouth opened, then closed again as she held in her laugh. Trust her son to do something of the such. Clearly Luna and herself had done well to teach Aden a thing or two about being mischievous "Aden!"

"I'm sorry Mama. He's just funny to trick!"

Lexa laughed quietly, adjusting the headphones in her ears as she leant forward in her chair "You do need to be careful. Too much and it isn't funny, okay? It's just mean and it could hurt their feelings. Always remember that you have to picture how they would be feeling in that moment too, bud. If its not good, don't do it. Alright?"

"Okay Mama" He nodded at Lexa's short lecture with a yawn.

"Hey! Woods! Get your ass in here!" She heard herself being called, and turned to the camera apologetically. Clarke smiled sadly at Lexa, clutching their boy tightly in her arms. Aden was delicate with her, avoiding the bump in her tummy. She already knew he was going to be a fantastic big brother, and couldn't wait to see how he handled seeing her for the first time. She couldn't wait to see her for the first time.

"Go on, baby. I'm not going anywhere. I'll be right here" Clarke said, almost as a promise. It was something Lexa didn't even know she needed until she had it, and she clung to it with all her might. 

"I know" She smiled "Listen, I might not call for a while. I have a mission coming up soon and I'm not really sure how long I'll be out there for. My best guess is a couple weeks give or take. That's usually how long they last, anyway"

"But you'll call me as soon as you get back, right?" The blonde asked, squeezing Aden's hands

"Of course, my love. As soon as I'm back, is wear on it"

"Okay Aden, say bye to Mama" Clarke said, smiling down at their son. He waved both hands at the screen with a wide smile

"Bye Mama!"

"Bye Kiddo!" She waved back. Clarke then put him down and turned to the screen, a series expression on her face

"You better stay safe, Lex. I swear to god. Don't be a hero, do you understand me?"

"I understand, Clarke. I do." She nodded "You get yourself back off to sleep. You look like you're going to pass out"

"Gee, thanks baby" Clarke rolled her eyes "I'll talk to you soon. I love you so much"

Lexa's heart throbbed "I love you so much more" She whispered

Her last sight was Clarke smiling at her lovingly before the screen went black, the line being hung up. She sighed, unplugging the headphones and folding them neatly to place beside the computer. She stood, stretching out her muscles from the uncomfortable wooden chair and making her way back into the main room. Artigas and Quint were sat at the table they usually sat at to play cards or mess around, an ash tray placed dead in the centre. Between their fingers were too thick cigars.

"Want one?" Quint questioned with a smirk, holding out an unclipped and untouched cigar towards her. She hadn't smoked for years. In fact, she quit not long after Clarke became pregnant, mostly because her wife wouldn't stop complaining about how the smoke made her feel sick. Lexa also beat herself up, recognising it could harm their first baby. She gave it up a few weeks into the pregnancy, and never went back.

But now, as she stared at the long stick of tobacco held out towards her, she felt the temptation. "Cuban?" She questioned

"As if Artigas would smoke anything else" He chuckled, tossing over the cigar to the Sergent. She caught it with one hand.

"Lexa you better fucking pray to god Clarke doesn't find out" Luna called

"She'll only find out if you're a little bitch and tell her" Lexa spat back with a grin. Slipping her knife from the sheath in her uniform, she held the cigar on the table, and cut off the end. Brushing off the leftover dust of the cut tobacco, she held out her hand expectantly. Quint lightly handed his lighter over. Lexa slipped the cigar between her lips, popping open the flip lighter and raising the bright dancing flame it produced to the end. When she saw the glow, she dropped the lighter, puffing out the smoke that had filled her lungs.

"Not even a cough?" Artigas asked

"Did you?" She asked

"Yeah... Cubans hit different'

"Pussy" She said with a smile as she sat down at the table with them

~~

"Those better be cigarettes or I'm taking one, Soliders" Nyko's voice rumbled through the tent, exactly at 8am like he mentioned. Lexa shot up from her slumped position on her bed, holding out her smoke in a state of panic as she stood up to stand at attention. She heard his chuckle, and immediately rolled her eyes "At ease. Come take a seat, all of you. It's time to go over your first mission"

His large, calloused hand spread a map across the table in the centre of the tent, and used the ash tray to hold on end down, his hand holding the other. Lexa moved to stand beside him, being the leader of the platoon. She was quick to take in the major details of the map as he began talking, his voice serious ad commanding. He drew out Lexa's full attention at that.

"First thing you need to know, is that this isn't your normal sort of task" He spoke.

Luna quirked her brow curiously "Sounds fun. What you got for us?"

"We lost contact with a platoon we sent in a few weeks ago. The trouble with that, is that it was one of our largest platoons sent in, so whatever happened cannot be good."

"What if they're all just dead and we're running straight into the fire?" Quint asked

"Good question. There was a radio contact just yesterday from one of the soldiers. Their last known location before the single cut out was here" Nyko pointed on the map with a thick finger "We can't get too close with the chopper to see because they have anti aircraft missiles near the mountain here"

"So where do we start?" Lexa asked him

"You'll drop in next to a small liberated town by the river here. If you follow it up, you'll eventually get to the location."

"What if there are injuries?"

"You'll have to find a way to disable the anti airs, or carry them to a safe evac point."

"This isn't really much to work with here, sir. With all due respect, this seems risky" Luna pointed out with a frown on her face.

"Being a soldier in the United States Army is risky, Lieutenant Woods. I have every faith that this team will get their and back unscathed, given your history of no casualties"

The three siblings looked between another, Lexa looking thoughtfully to the other two. She agreed with Luna on the terms that it was risky, without a doubt. But when she looked to Anya, she recognised the usual determination in her eyes. It was all she needed to fuel her own determination, and she gave Luna a reassuring nod. If she thought she couldn't keep her sisters safe, she would be opposed to the entire plan, but deep down she knew she could. It would be an easy task, despite the odds. She turned to the table, looking around at the rest of the squad. She saw Nyko's knowing, proud eyes.

"Why not?" She said, crossing her arms after shrugging "Let's do it"

"Lexa I-"

Lexa cut Luna off with a smile "We can do this, Luna. It's better us than anyone else. We can get them and whoever is injured, take them to an evac spot, and get the fuck out of there. We have some of the best sharp shooters. Some of the best eyes and ears I've ever seen. All we have to do is keep our head down, stay alert and ready, and be in and out before they even know what's happening. I believe we can do this, you gotta trust me Luna."

"I do" The other sister nodded "I always do"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey. I'm working on an EP so updates everywhere are pretty slow. I haven't given up on anything though. I still very much love writing, especially this story at the moment. I'm really enjoying it.


	7. Sky Fall

Lexa's cheeks puffed out at the effort she was putting into the push. Quint was beside her, palms flat to the boxes as Lexa pushed it with her shoulder. Their boots dug into the grass as they shoved with all their strength.

"Almost got it" She grunted, seeing the wooden crate hit the metal ramp at the back of the plane. As soon as it took to the smooth service, the box slid into place with half the effort. She let out a relieved sigh, leaning back onto it and glancing at her squad mate, sarcasm dripping from her voice as she spoke "It's a good job we had help from the others huh?"

"I don't think we could have done it without them..." He played along, reaching down to fasten the box into place. Lexa did the same on the other side, attaching it to the small platform below it that would eject it into the air with a parachute. The supply crate in question held everything Lexa and her platoon needed for the mission. That included their guns, ammunition, food, fresh water, hand grenades, radios, and so on. Lexa would be sure to check the crate after landing to make sure everything was there, if not she would without a doubt request another drop.

Lexa chuckled, clapping the man on the shoulder and making her way out of the plane. She could see far off in the distance, Anya talking to Costia. She still couldn't get over how strange it was for her to see the two girls friends and getting along. They were entirely opposite people, and it confused the hell out of Lexa. She didn't care. Quite obviously, she had moved on and had a family, and Costia moved on too. She shook it off, taking a parachute off of the wall and tossing it in Luna's direction.

"Heads up!" She called, and Luna turned, catching it in her arm. She had her face twisted in disgust, and Lexa tilted her head at her "What's the face for?"

"They're just weird" She shook her head, eying the two women suspiciously,

Lexa shrugged, sliding into her own parachute "It is what it is"

Mason approached, helmet tucked under his arm "You talking about Anya?" He questioned

"Maybe. What's it to you?" Luna said.

"I thought so." He said, applying his parachute like the others "She just seems to like that girl, whoever it is"

Lexa winced at his words, air hissing through her teeth as she tightened and checked her straps with a heavy tug. She felt the rough fabric dig into the top of her shoulders. The thought of Anya ever _liking_ anyone was near impossible. She never liked anyone. It was just that simple. While Luna and Lexa dipped in and out of dating in high school, she stayed well away from the idea, let alone the real thing. She was always alone, and genuinely seemed to like it that way.

"Let's not skip to conclusions. It's Anya we're talking about, here" Artigas chuckled "Just leave the woman be. We need to spend time with her in a war zone. I don't know about you, but I'd rather she was firing bullets to protect us, not firing them at us. You remember the last time I pissed her off?"

Quint let out a snort "And she pepper sprayed you?"

He shook his head "That shit stung like a bitch"

"Watch your eyes, Arti. She's coming back" Mason pointed out. Lexa looked up from the straps of her parachute to see her sister striding towards them. Although many would assume she would be the one looking down on Anya, considering she was the one with the family, Lexa often found herself looking up to the older sister. It was something in the way she always held pride in herself no matter what the circumstances were that made Lexa look to her in awe. She would be lying if she said she would be the same person without Anya in her life.

"You guys talking about me behind my back again?" She grumbled, being the last one to grab her parachute.

"Of course not" Luna grinned "Quint was just talking about your big truck of an ass. It really puts me and Lex to shame"

When Anya looked to quint with pure fire in her eyes, his hands shot up in defence, one hand pointing to Luna "She's lying! I swear to god I wouldn't say that. She's making it all up."

"So you don't think I have a nice ass?"

"Thats... Not what I was saying"

"So you're saying she does have a nice ass?" Lexa questioned, holding in her laugh as he panicked

"I... No!"

"No?" Luna tilted her head.

"Well... It's... average? I've never looked!"

"Average?" Luna exclaimed, and the sisters looked between each other with a pretence of shock. They were messing with him by now, and the others had quite clearly understood that, other than quint himself who rambled to fix his words quickly, face flushed red with embarrassment and confusion. Anya laughed, punching him in the shoulder and tightening the parachute straps for him.

"We're just kidding" She informed him, his shoulders immediately drooping at the news as he heaved a sigh

"Sometimes I really hate being in this squad with you guys. Could I request a transfer?"

"Hah. Funny guy" Lexa tossed the comment over her shoulder as she fixed the final wires onto the crate. She could see the two pilots slipping into their seats, and she knew it would be time to go soon. She slid her helmet off for a moment, checking for the three photos tucked between the seams before putting it back on her head, tapping the top for good measure. She dropped into the seat against the wall. "Alright, everyone ready? This is your last chance to take a decent piss"

Anya sat down beside her, chuckling as she elbowed her. Luna looked over to her with a hopeful smile.

"Lets get this over with, shall we?" Mason grinned

"Is this where you play your ZZ Top and Cream playlist, Lex?" Luna cackled

"Trust me, if I could I would" She replied, sitting back into her seat smiling as she fastened the belts. The back of the plane filled with laughter as the back hatch closed, shrouding them in darkness, only illuminated by the red lights above Artigas's head. She could hear the roar of the engines on each wing, and the jolt of movement below her. She almost let out a laugh as she remembered making Clarke listen to all of her old rock music she loved. The girl hated it, but luckily for her, her son loved it almost as much as she did. She rested her head back against ld expect above a war zone- rough. The pilots obviously avoided the hot spots to avoid unwanted attention for their drop soon to come.

~~

"Soldiers dropping now! Follow your usual jumping order." Lexa instructed, positioning herself at the door with her hand gripped tightly on the bar above her head to stop herself from falling. She tapped Artigas's shoulder who was the first in line, signalling him to jump. She watched as he sucked in a breath and pushed himself out into the air without a hint of hesitation. Once his shoot was open, Lexa ushered Quint, then Mason, then Anya, and so on. The process was quick. But there was rarely time to dawdle when they had been given such a small window of safe drop time.

She took one last take of the insides of the plane, before glancing back. She saw Luna's shoot open, and slow her fall, she took a deep breath. Wind ripped past her as she looked out into the open space, miles above ground. She swore every time she did this, it still creeped her out. The fall in itself was never bad, in fact she found it rather freeing. But it was always the build up to that jump that always had her internally panicking. Counting to three, she took a step out and allowed herself to fall, spreading her arms and legs out to control herself as she dropped. The wind whipped against her skin, catching her ever so slightly with the natural air resistance. The looseness of her trousers flapped roughly against her legs as she reached behind her, grabbing and tugging the string to release her parachute. In the distance, she could see the clouds of smoke as explosions littered the battle ground. She tried not to pay it too much attention, because if she did, she'd be far too distracted to think of anything else.

She felt the equipment jolt as it caught the wind, slowing her fall. Below her she could clearly see Quint and Artigas unbuckling their parachutes from their backs, glancing up as Mason approached their position. The drop box hadn't landed too far away, and the village was in close walking distance. The river was also rather near. She had to admit, this was a rather successful drop, despite the turbulence the wind was giving her shoot as it tugged her back and forth ever so slightly. She tugged the parachute to move her towards her right, leading her closer to her squads location. The ground grew closer towards her at an average speed, and she tugged roughly on the shoot, pulling herself up and tucking her legs up for landing.

At last moment, she unbuckled the parachute, dropping out of its confinements as she touched the ground, rolling once over her shoulder like she had been taught to by Gustus. As she stood carefully, regaining her bearings on solid ground again, her shoot landed softly in the grass not far beside her. Even though it had been a short while since she had dropped for a mission, she was proud that she was very much still in practice. As soon as she had regained her focus, which didn't take long, she fell straight into her role as Sergeant.

"Artigas, open up the drop box. Make sure we have everything we need. Mason, you give him a hand" She pointed

"Yes, Ma'am!" Artigas grinned, making his way over to their supplies. It's parachute was draped over its top, and was quickly swiped away by two large hands to access it.

"You alright?" Lexa asked both Luna and Anya. Although she knew they were perfectly capable, she still worried for them every moment she could.

"My landing was better than yours, Lexa. Relax, would you? We're not even being shot at yet." Anya grunted as she shoved her parachute back in its bag. Lexa rolled her eyes, despite the fact that she knew her sister was a hundred percent correct. She huffed, silently making a prayer in her mind that that wouldn't happen this mission.

It didn't even take her five minutes to begin to suffer from their new terrain and it's struggles. It hadn't been long, but Lexa was already forming rather impressive sweat patches underneath her jacket. She could feel her shirt beginning to stick to her skin on her back and underarms. She slapped the back of her neck rapidly, feeling the sharp nip.

"Agh" She grunted as she pulled her hand back, peering down at the crushed mosquito in her palm "Little bastard"

"Hopefully we've got some repellent. Last thing we want is a disease or something from those things" Mason spoke as Lexa wiped off her hand on her trouser leg, making her way over to the medic

"And so they're not a pain in my ass" She grumbled

"Yeah that too, I suppose. Here" He said with a smile, handing over Lexa's rifle.

The gun was far from anything special. It was standard issue. Not that she needed anything else though. They were selected for a reason, and she could handle the bullets with enough precision. She caught the ammo pack that Artigas tossed towards her, loading up the magazine and hearing the telltale metal clicks as she prepared her weapon. She lifted it, peering down the scope.

"And these were all checked back at base before they were passed over?" She asked

"Yup. Everything was. Don't worry about it. If anything acts up, its probably us that causes it" He said

"Then don't cause it. Last thing I want is one of these ceasing up on you when you're under fire" She sighed, attaching two frag grenades to her belt. She also tucked her canine safely into the large pocket of her jacket "Quint, could you pack the bags? Make sure they're all even in weight. We have a lot of stuff to carry, and I don't want anyone falling behind"

He nodded, quickly getting to work at the task at hand. She turned, glancing over her shoulder to the village that was a small distance away. She could see the rooftops peaking over the tall grass. That was when the recognition finally set in, and she finally felt the disconnection. She was a long way from home. A very, very long way. From her bed, and from her family. She sucked in a breath, taking in the humid air around her and standing straighter, tucking the rifle in her arms down to face the left in a neutral state.

Luna lifted her head from her own gun, brows furrowed "You all good over there, sis?"

She finally released the air that shelled captive in her lungs, and returned her attention back to her squad, lifting up the backpack that Quint had just packed for her. Shrugging it on, she nodded, feeling her back slowly start to accept the amount of weight she had just dropped upon it "I'm fine. Let's get moving. Because we dropped late, it could be night fall any minute now. We need to check the village and make sure it's safe to stay in."

"But... I thought they said it was liberated" Artigas spoke

"They did. That still doesn't make it safe, does it? I want to make sure we can trust them before we sleep in their own houses"

"She's got a point" Mumbled Anya "Let's just go. We can ask about the terrain while we're at it. I wouldn't want to accidentally fall off a cliff or something. Sometimes we can't see everything on a map"

"Alright" Lexa agreed quietly, wading through the tall grass. It was strong, and Lexa found herself having to trample it with her boots to get through. She rolled her eyes, realising as she looked behind her that the squad were all just following in the pathway through that she had made.

~~

"Woods" The man greeted as they approached. Lexa adjusted the weight of the bag on her back, glancing around at the small village. The huts that the villagers called homes were built from sticks and clay, the roofing protecting the insides with dried grass. She watched two young children run in and out of the different houses, collecting their friends until the group finally settled inside a building she could only assume was their school. They were dressed in what she could only describe as rags. Trousers that stopped just after their knees, and t-shirts that had seen better days with multiple holes and scrapes in them. They are, at one point, white. But now, they had turned a stained, brownish colour.

"And you are?" She asked with a hint of suspicion in her voice. She could hear the soldiers of his own platoon sat rather comfortably outside of a circular hut.

"Ah, my name is Sergeant Micheals. There was a last minute change of plans. Nyko arranged for us to meet you here, and you're just on time" He said, his moustache jumping as his lips moved, every once in a while his overly thick, bushy eyebrows wobbling with his expressions. Lexa looked him up and down, from his toes to his eyes, and frowned.

"What change of plans?"

"He thought you might need back up. The last thing we want is to lose some of our best in a feeble rescue mission."

"Feeble? You mean, returning people to their families?" She questioned, brushing past him to explore further into the village

"Woods I assure you I didn't mean-"

"Of course not, Michaels." She grunted, removing her helmet and tucking it under her arm. "Is there anywhere for my squad to be staying? Or has yours already taken all the bunks?"

"I'll go talk to the head of the village right now"

"Don't bother. I'll happily do it myself, Sergeant" She spoke. She could see Luna and Anya raising their brows and looking at each other with a knowing look. Lexa didn't enjoy when plans were changed, especially without her knowing about it. It only made it worse when she could sense that the other Sergent on her mission seemed to be a 'Grade A' asshole.

She walked past his squad, some of which were sat comfortably on the steps of a hut. They watched her with wary eyes, just like she did with them. A man lifted his hand, tipping his helmet towards her with a small smile on his face. A few of the men around him chuckled, other than one boy that was sat on the floor rather than a step. He was scrawny, clutching at his rifle in his lap with wide eyes as she passed. He seemed no older than twenty years old. She wondered how someone so young ended up in a place so dangerous. Had he volunteered? Was he drafted? Was he in the army before hand? Whatever it was, she knew by one look that he didn't belong here.

"Can I help you?" She questioned, lifting a brow and stopping in her tracks

"Just admirin' the view m'lady" The man with the helmet smirked, receiving more chuckled from his friends. Lexa narrowed her eyes.

"Excuse me?" Anya growled as she stepped closer to Lexa, overhearing his words.

"Forget about it An, he's probably never met a woman before and held this long of a conversation. Why don't you go with Mason and check the perimeter. Make sure there's nothing to be worried about"

"Yes, sergeant" she said, sending one last glare towards the group of men before turning her back, being followed swiftly by Artigas. The man's eyes widened slightly at her title, and stumbled to fix his mistakes

"I... I'm so sorry... ma'am I apologise. If I had known..."

"Knowing makes a difference?" She questioned, clicking her tongue. She continued walking, ignoring the apologies shot her way. "Artigas, how is your trigedesleng?"

"Rusty" He shrugged "You?"

"I guess it's time to find out. Any idea where the head villager is at?"

"Should be around here somewhere, Serge" He said, balancing his gun on his shoulder, walking with a bounce in his step. It was confusing how he always managed to be so positive, even in places like this. Sometimes she even found herself jealous of it. "Just look for the fella with the cleanest shirt, I suppose... _m'lady_ "

"I will shoot you dead, private" She warned him out of the corner of her eye. She heard his wheezy laugh as her eyes scanned over the now seemingly full village.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I apologise that I haven't updated in a while. I'm not sure how good this chapter is. I started it a while ago and got stuck at the parachute scene. I'm well aware that im not educated about the army, especially the us army, so just remember that this is fiction and most likely factually incorrect. Other than that, thank you for reading!


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